Mommy Guilt

As I am getting nearer to the third trimester my moods are shifting quite a bit. A lot more than with Savannah. I find myself wiping tears away for silly little things that people write that are sentimental or watching Savannah play. Today I was attempting to get her to feel the baby kick. I think she did for she looked at it and started poking my belly button. I told her that she's going to be a big sister and that baby needs lots of kisses and hugs. She then proceeded to wrap her arms around my belly and give it a kiss. Now if I could only get her to stop rubbing her belly saying baby. I also find myself getting upset at things that I normally wouldn't get upset over. I do my best to hold back but typically find myself venting to anyone that is willing to listen.

Also as the third trimester makes itself into view, I find myself worrying about things. I wonder what's going to happen if I go into labor during the day? What am I going to do with Savannah? How am I going to handle 2? I need to get all my big projects done before baby gets here. And no I can't fathom leaving them until after baby because I know that we will be moving sooner than later. I would rather stress about it now then when Jeff comes home to tell me we are relocating. These projects I feel need to be done in order to put the house on the market when that time comes. I only want to be prepared and save myself the stress of it later.

Since Savannah has transitioned into her big girl bed, she has been crawling into bed with us at 5:30 or 6 every morning. I enjoy this to no end. I don't mind being woken up to snuggle with her. The part I do mind is when she starts kicking my belly, in turn, waking up the baby. Jeff has told me this weekend that she needs to stop crawling into bed with us before it becomes too much of a habit. I feel so heartbroken over this. Savannah has never been much of a snuggler. Even when she was a baby. She liked having her space or eating. To have her crawl into bed and snuggle with me is the most precious thing ever. I know those moments are going to be coming to an end very soon. I don't know who needs the snuggle time more, Savannah or me? I feel guilty bringing in another baby that is going to take some of her attention away. I know that its the best thing for her but I still can't help in feeling a little guilty. I know its completely normal to feel this way but it doesn't help the way I feel right now. As the baby's movements have really picked up this week, it makes me very aware of the changes that are going to occur with our family. It's very bittersweet to sense the change that is coming our way.

18 months

Savannah turning 18 months came and was gone just as fast. We did her check up yesterday where they checked her iron and gave her one shot. Hopefully the last one for a while! I'm not really into all the immunizations they are giving little ones nowdays. It seems that they are wanting to give her 3-4 shots everytime we walk into the office. Some of these shots contain more than one vaccine in the dose too. I just can't imagine injecting that many "viruses" into this tiny person at one time. I know everyone has their opinion on it so I will just leave it at that before I really get on a rant. Jeff and I are wanting to see this movie so bad.  http://www.greatergoodmovie.org/trailer .

At 18 months, Savannah has really started to change into a real person. She is starting to take showers. We wanted to start this so she would get more comfortable with getting her face wet. She has always had that fear of getting her face washed or her hair. We did not want it to get too far where she would be afraid of swimming. She also sleeps in a "big" girl bed where she puts herself to bed some nights only requiring me to tuck her in and say good night. She can get out of bed just as easy though. I usually have a visitor somewhere between 5am and 6am. She knows my weakness because I'm too tired to argue with her so just pick her up to put her in between Jeff and I. That will be a battle for another time. She has picked up on more words walking around saying uh-oh or mamamamama. I don't mind the mama one because I waited 18 months to hear her say it! Please child, keep going. She started walking at 13 months and now is almost at a "running" pace. That makes chasing her for diaper changes and getting her dressed such a delight!. One of these days someone will come to my house with an only diapered child because I will be too big to chase after her to put clothes on her. I've been slowly getting her closet set in "outfits" so daddy can dress her somewhat easy. She is drinking from a cup now at the table. Gradually getting the sippys only for car trips. She does fabulous at not spilling her drink. I just leave the glass on the table with water and when she's thirsty she climbs on the chair to get her glass. Simple enough. I'm sick of looking EVERYWHERE for sippy cups. I can't tell you how many times I have had to boil black mold off her cups. She is starting to attempt to dress herself. I was amazed to see her dig a skirt out of the clean laundry pile, sit down on the floor and attempt to put it on. She didn't succeed without assistance but the fact that she was taking it upon herself to get dressed amazed me. Remember I'm a stay at home mom so little things like that just thrill me to no end.

A lot has changed in her in the last 3 months. She kept her weight gain under a lb and grew 3 inches in the last 3 months. She cut 2 molars and is working on the other two. She is really getting a mouth full of teeth which I'm STILL working on her not biting. I have tried every method that everyone has suggested. She is just very determined to knaw at my arm or daddy's toes. It must be the german in her.

The other side of a stay at home mom

I am only writing this in the thought that I'm sure I am not the only one that has felt this way. I am talking about jealousy at moments. I get slightly jealous when Jeff goes to work in the morning because he gets to leave those crabby moments and associate with the real world. That jealousy is short lived and usually passes once Savannah wakes up from her nap. You know, once the mood has changed.

Jeff was at a National Sales Meeting these past 5 days. While he was gone I felt a little jealous as he was telling me about all the things he was doing and all the people he was talking to. Meanwhile, I had not talked to anyone since he left (in person). When talking to him on the phone, I want to be nothing but supportive. I feel as his wife, its my duty to encourage him and support him for giving me the opportunity to do the best gift in the world, raise our daughter and soon to be second child. Not many people get this opportunity so I want to make sure that he feels appreciated and loved for all his hard work. He does such a great job making sure I feel appreciated. I just want to make sure that I do the same in return. It's only human nature to feel some jealousy for the things another person gets to do that you don't get to do. That's when I need to remember how jealousy can ruin a relationship and turn to God for deliverance from this jealousy. I'm sure at times when he dreads going to work, he wishes he could stay at home with us.

Why do I share this? I'm sure some other mom feels jealous at times. I would love nothing more some days to drop all my responsibilities and go back to those college carefree days. I would love to be able to go out at night or go to the bathroom without encouragement standing next to me. Or the 3am 3ft visitor that comes to my bedside with all her most precious possessions asking to crawl in. I love the life I have but sometimes stupid jealousy comes creeping in. Must not allow it to stay.

A Mover's Heart

My friend Lynsee and I were talking the other day about how many times we had moved in such and such amount of years. With the move to Ohio, I finally sat down and recollected all the addresses Jeff and I have had since meeting/getting married. I never thought that I would even move once in my life let alone 8 times! So far! Growing up in a small town, thats all I knew and figured that's all I would ever know. Somehow I got this grand idea to go to college in my head. Who knew that I would pick a school in Wisconsin! And meet a boy there that would take me places I have never been.

When I got to college I had no intention on meeting someone. I kept my eyes peeled just in case but had one goal in mind and that was to beat my friend Jorgen at being the last to get married. (By the way, I have been married for almost 3 years and Jorgen is still winning. I should know better than to play against her!) When I met Jeff he was somebody I wasn't planning on dating or possibly even being interested in. He was not the guy I had envisioned in my head but his charm, passion for life, and compassion grew me to fall head over heels for him. I'm glad that I didn't let that opportunity pass me up for it has brought me a world full of joy. I have a beautiful daughter that I am blessed to stay at home with and another one on the way. He works beyond his means to achieve his dreams and provide for his family. It's an honor to stand by him.

With getting a job with the company he did it has brought us to move quite a bit. When moving to Massachusetts, I was so excited to make new friends and meet people right away to gain back what I had lost leaving Minnesota. I met one great friend in a mommy group and a bunch of other amazing moms at our church group that we became a part of. I was settling into my surroundings and loved being able to take Savannah to storytime. They had such a fabulous storytime program in MA. We were planning on being there for 6-9 months for training. It felt as if the time I said hello to all these people I was saying good-bye. I miss them each and every day. Moving to Ohio, has in a way hindered me from making too many friends because I'm always anticipating that phone call. The leaving of my friends so fast from our last move has in a way put a sting in my mouth to make friends here. We have been here for almost 4 months which is how long we were in MA before getting a call. I know that I should make the most of every move and take the opportunity each time to make friends, plant yourself in a church, and become associated with people in the area. Somehow I just have lost the drive to do this this time around. I'm waiting for our move where Jeff will say, "we will be here for a while." The only time it is hard not to have a lot of friends here is when Jeff is gone. This is his first trip away from us for a longer period of time (5 days). Usually there are a few overnights here and there. For now, I will enjoy the few good friends I have met here and anticipate the return of my other half home. The one that makes my life feel so much more complete.

The second time around

I am now 23 weeks pregnant. I have no idea where the time has gone but the rest of the time can't go fast enough either. I am anxious to meet the next little one and find out the gender. This pregnancy however is so much different than Savannah. I have been told that each pregnancy is different but like many other things, you don't have a clue what people are talking about until you are living it.

I am not as hungry as I was with Savannah. Sure I am eating more than I normally would consume but with Savannah I was constantly hungry. I didn't know if it was possible to get full with her and so I gained 50 lbs. I heard that it's harder to lose it with the second one so I'm watching what I'm eating. Trust me, I'm still eating more than my fair share of calories needed in a day.

Savannah jumping all over me is no fun. I feel like this baby never gets a chance to sleep. I feel sorry for it at times because they have to deal with the happenings of the house everyday. Plus my need to nest right now, doesn't give me much time to sit. My mind is constantly thinking about the next project that needs to get done. I think I will take a break during 3rd trimester. If my brain will let me.

When I was pregnant with Savannah, I would wake up at 5am with insomnia. Sometimes 4am. I would simply eat a little something, watch some tv, then head back to bed for a couple more hours of sleep. Now Savannah still wakes up at 5am, climbs into bed with me, and proceeds to kick me waking up the one that was sleeping. More tossing and turning, telling Savannah and baby to go back to sleep. By the time 8:30pm comes around, I'm exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open.

With Savannah's pregnancy it felt like the weeks went by so slow. I went to counting days just so I felt like I was getting somewhere. All I can think now is pure panic at the fact that I'm not ready and this baby is coming what seems like tomorrow. I am so anxious to expand our family and watch it continue to grow. Until then, I will do mind races trying to figure out how I'm going to handle 2 and which double stroller is best for us.

What do I do all day?

I have time to finally blog a little because it is 7:50am and Savannah is still sleeping. Since the baby inside likes to wake me up now before 7am, it gives me some time to relax before I start my day. I thought I would share some thoughts about what a day in the life of me is and what I accomplish in a day/week. This is how I learned to be a stay at home mom. Life never gets boring or lonely.

Today I would much rather call in sick. My sinuses are acting up like crazy. I'm guessing either its from Savannah drooling on me and insisting on giving me kisses all the time like daddy does or from all the crops coming out of the field. Maybe its from both. It's a rainy day here so that means that I am not going anywhere. When you have a toddler that walks all on their own and you have no place you are forced to be at, you will wait for the sun to shine again. But anyways, I'm getting off track. I would love to call in sick today but the list of things that should get done just don't stop because mommy doesn't feel well. Savannah desperately needs a bath, her diapers changed, to be fed, and for someone to entertain her. Thats just the basics. Our fridge decided to start leaking last night...YES our BRAND new, 6 week old fridge is leaking. GRR. I will be calling the service men today to have them schedule sometime to look at it. In the meantime, I am maintaining a small puddle of water and discouraging a small toddler to stay out of it. I need to call the Subura dealership to schedule an oil change which I'm so glad I proscrastinated on now because I just received two emails about recalls on my car that also need fixed. I now only have to go there once instead of twice. Proscratination paid off that time. We are all out of bread so I will be baking a loaf of bread today with my nifty bread machine. Switching out two more outlets to white instead of ivory in Savannah's soon to be bedroom. Hopefully installing a new ceiling fan in her room if the directions don't take me forever to read. Dishes, laundry, and paying some bills are also on the top of my list. Grocery shopping needs to get done but I will wait for it to stop raining before I do that. Well there's my list of things to do today. Who gets bored? Savannah is now up and my day is off to the running. First I will have a cup of hot chocolate.

It gets better and better

It has been over a month since I blogged. We have been very busy in the Raiders house which included a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's in Green Bay. People have told me with parenting that each stage gets better. This stage so far I would have to say is one of my favorites. The things that Savannah discovers on a daily basis is so inspiring to me too. I love all the peeks, squeals, and chasing around. Don't get me wrong, its very exhausting at the end of the day especially as I will get bigger eventually. Last night I was woken up by Savannah stirring in her bed and whimpering so I went in to check on her. I know some parents tell me to just let her be and let her put herself back to sleep but I am not that type of person to just fall back to sleep without checking to make sure everything is ok. I went in to find that she had leaked through her diaper and was laying in wet and coldness. I picked her up to change her pj's, diaper, and bedding. It was 4am and I was smiling because God had chosen me to be her mom. I don't mind getting up in the middle of the night. I know its for such a short time and I will miss those nighttime snuggles soon. I enjoy the times now that she brings me a book and climbs on my lap to read her a story. It always helps me to get my mind back into perspective on what's important in life. I'm so excited to bring the next member of our family home and see Savannah interact with her new sibling. Yes I do face the anxiety of how Savannah will handle not being the center of attention anymore but I know we will all adjust just fine in time. I can't wait to see what the next stage and the next one and the next one after that will bring. Being a parent is truly one of the best gifts you can receive in this life.

My lil helper

Today as I did the dishes, swept the floor, and made the meals I had this little shadow behind me. Savannah is just hitting the stage of "monkey see, monkey do." It is fun to have a little helper despite the fact that she sometimes makes more work for me than when I started. Now when I open the dishwasher to unload it, I quickly scan it for knives and anything that she can hurt herself with. Waving the knife at me once was more than enough "help" for me. She is getting the concept of the dust pan but not fully yet. She usually sits herself down in my pile with the dust pan next to her picking up the pile with her fingers. After she loses patience with how long its taking she stands up and wiggles her butt walking around the kitchen dispersing "the pile" that she just got done sitting in. Sweep the floor once more. She now wants me to hold her when I'm cooking so she can see whats going on up there and what I am making. I am trying to get into the habit of turning on the oven light when I bake so she can watch it bake.

Savannah has also become quite the handyman. She watches daddy go around using screwdrivers and hammers. When a tool absentmindedly gets left within her reach she wastes no time to use her assisting skills. She has to always be at our feet trying to figure out just exactly what we are doing. It's so much fun watching her little brain work and try to discover new things. It tells me that she's grasping things and wanting to learn. Now if I could only teach her to put the laundry away instead of taking it out.

It's a Wonderful Life

So we are on our 3rd week of having our stuff. You would think that everything would be put in its place and the place would be free of boxes. Umm I would call those people, wrong! The garage finally got organized this weekend enough to squeeze my car in there. Once we have our garage sale and sell our extra lawn mower, it all should fit. The landscaping in the front of the house is looking gorgeous. The previous owners had some overgrown bushes and vines in the front which we tore up to plant some beautiful flowering plants. We also repainted the front door and shutters. Lots and lots of projects. It is such a joy to be able to own a house again and not rent. We don't have to ask a landlord if its ok to paint a wall. Our money is actually going towards paying down a house instead of paying the guy who owns the house. Jeff and I have always just been more into the buying of a house instead of renting. Thats just who we are.

Everything is not all in its place partially because we are still waiting for a few things to be fixed. Our king size sleigh bed frame was broke when they were loading it in Massachusetts. Therefore, I have two fairly good size pieces of furniture just hanging out against my wall making it hard to hang stuff up. I also need to still paint Savannah's room and the nursery eventually. I want to pick out the bedding before I paint either room because I'm only painting them once! We are hoping to borrow a bassinet for the baby to sleep in our room until Savannah turns 2 where she will be upgraded to a big girl bed.

Savannah now is a 15 month old. I have no idea how that happened but somehow she grew up. She is a very talkative little girl. I can only understand a few words she says but nevertheless she has a lot to say. I fear that I'm going to have a very vocal little one once she gets the words out so I can understand them. I think in her baby jibberish that she has said mama a couple times. My neighbors were there to witness it and I asked them if they heard what I heard. They said I think that's what she said. I've only waited 8 months for her to say mama after saying dada at 6 months. It's about time! She has also picked up the trait of hitting mommy. When I tell her no she wants to run over and hit me now. She also walks around pointing her pointer finger mumbling off when I scold her. It's so hard not to laugh when she does that. Jeff and I have to remind ourselves that she is acting just like a 15 month old should. When she refuses to get in the shopping cart its because she's learned to walk so she's expressing her independence. Good for her. Tough for mommy and daddy! Soon enough we will understand just how much we underestimated what "having our hands full" really means.

Jeff had a great week last week for sales. He is on the road quite a bit traveling to Dayton, Columbus, Indiana, and northern Kentucky. He comes home usually at night with only having to do one overnight so far. He said that he is pretty much building this territory up from scratch. A good learning experience for someone coming out of training.

This pregnancy is going pretty smoothly. No major bumps so far. I have just been struggling with taking my prenatal vitamin. Either forgetting to take it or getting sick from taking it. That happened in the first trimester with Savannah too. Just have to last another week or so until I am feeling better...hopefully or at least partially normal again. All the sacrifice is worth it in the end when your holding that bundle of joy.

Another move over?

After waiting over two weeks for our stuff to arrive to our new location, the moving truck finally pulled up to our house. Jeff and I breathed a sigh of relief to finally have our stuff and begin to make our house a home. That was until the driver announced that he couldn't fit all of our stuff on the semi. Yes! They had to leave 30 boxes in Massachusetts. Now as I unpack the other boxes, I am slowly realizing which boxes were left behind. We hopefully will be getting the remainder of our things back to us by this weekend. Lets all keep our fingers crosses on that one and that nothing comes up missing. We are very grateful however, to have the things we do have. I enjoyed a great night of sleep on a bed for the first time in 2 weeks.

This move was definitely a difficult move. I'm not as motivated to get things unpacked this time around. My pregnancy is making me very tired lately and I can't wait for second trimester to kick in so I have some energy again. This time around, I can't just place Savannah in one spot and come back to check on her. I'm constantly checking on her to see what she's gotten into or if she's closed the door on herself to a room. She is also to the age where she realizes something is different and gets very clingy. Carrying her around the house is a lot of work and when I sit down to hold her she just wants to wiggle so much making that uncomfortable too. It makes it really hard to get things done with a toddler now.

I had my first doctor appointment last Wednesday also. The doctor said that everything looks good. We saw a strong heartbeat on the ultrasound and saw our little bear cub. Seeing a baby on the screen never ceases to amaze me.

Updating the blog

I haven't had much time to blog lately with it being summer and all the craziness of a move coming up. We finally got word today that packers will be coming to pack our stuff up on Friday and the loaders will be here on Saturday. Saturday night we will load up both our cars and hit the road for Philadelphia for our first stop then it will be on to Pittsburgh to visit some more family. I'm not quite as apprehensive about this trip as I was with the first one. I am still a little because Savannah and I will be riding solo in one car while Jeff drives the other one. We decided to take two cars because of the amount of stuff we need to take. Things that the moving company won't take plus a weeks worth of stuff for Jeff, Savannah and I. We barely were able to get everything in the car when we drove out here and with Savannah's reach getting a little out of hand we decided not to load the backseat as much this time. I was having visions of her pulling boxes/bags of stuff on her and me trying to maneuver in the backseat to fix it.

I have been feeling really good with this pregnancy. Besides the swollen/bloated abdomen, at times I wouldn't even remember I was pregnant. I find myself having to remind myself that I am. With Savannah, I had a constant nauseous state hanging over me. It is quite contrary with this one. It almost makes me a little nervous that somethings wrong because I feel so ok. Jeff told me that I'm probably not as tired because I have so much on my mind right now preparing for the move. I'm guessing that I will be crashing any day.

When we first arrived in Massachusetts I knew that we wouldn't be staying here long and that it was a temporary move. Little did I know that "temporary" meant unpack your times to look at them for a few months only to pack them back up. I find myself resenting our current place more and more each day as I grow more anxious to get settled into our new house. I'm ready to have everything organized and be able to kick my feet up. Maybe I will get all my nesting out so I won't feel like doing it for a few more months. I highly doubt it but I can dream.

I will leave you with the wee bump picture. One of the things I am shocked about with this pregnancy is how fast I stuck out. It may not seem much to some people but with certain jeans the bump refuses to let them button.

A new life begins

Savannah has brought Jeff and I so much joy in our lives. Watching her grow up and explore new things is one of the greatest things that either one of us has experienced. I have thought long and hard about when the appropriate time to share with everyone our exciting news and I feel that God is telling me to rejoice in the gift he has given us. As of today, I am 6 weeks pregnant. Savannah will be a great big sister. We know that the world is not perfect and things could still happen but we also know that God wants us to rejoice when he blesses us with something. We should not worry about things that could happen tomorrow but live in today and rejoice for today. Thats always easier to say then do but nevertheless, that is the standard we should live by. Jeff and I already are talking to the baby and telling him/her about their sister and how much we love both of them. I just can't wait for February now!

How to train a toddler?

Being a mother was easy up until this point. I know how to change diapers, how to nurse, and burp a baby. Savannah didn't ever really get sick so I never struggled with any colds or other issues. The only thing I dealt with that was hard was her colic. The endless evenings of listening to her cry and Jeff asking me what was wrong. I felt like an utter failure. After the 4 month mark passed, she gradually cried less and smiled more. People always comment now how happy she is and ask "is she always this happy." I nod my head in agreeance and smile. I don't want to let the cover of adequate mom slip. In all honesty, I haven't the slightest clue what I'm doing anymore.

After turning one she has developed this attitude. She throws tantrums quite a bit. After reading my cousin Kathy's blog about her daughter's tantrums, I felt guilty for even complaining about Savannah's. What she had to go through with her eldest daughter is nothing compared to Savannah. Still dealing with Savannah's attitudes are wearing on Jeff and I. I'm not sure how to handle the tantrums. She is such a sweet little girl when she's happy. Toddler stage is way out of my realm of knowledge. I've almost considered buying a book on how to raise a happy toddler. There is so much that is overwhelming about this stage to me. Everyone tells you different answers about how to handle discipline, how much milk they should be drinking, when to take the bottle away, how much sleep they should be getting, how to engage your child in their surroundings, etc. I'm just hoping that eventually everything will click like it did when she had colic.

I'm moving on

I never imagined my life would turn out the way it has when I first met Jeff 4 years ago. I never imagined that he would have been the guy that turned my world upside down. Just after dating for 6 months, he got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Eleven short months later I walked down that aisle and married my best friend, my soul mate. In September of the same year we had first said "I do", we found out that it wasn't just going to be the two of us anymore. In that same month we bought our first house and made it into a home by flipping it. While flipping the house, we grew closer together. We welcomed our first little one into our family on a beautiful May afternoon. We have thoroughly enjoyed watching her grow up and develop into such a fun toddler. Right before Christmas last year Jeff finally reached one of his dreams. Watching his dreams come true right before my eyes couldn't make me a more proud wife knowing that I'm helping him succeed. In February we packed our stuff up and moved to the East Coast. Far away from everything familiar and began our adventure. Jeff has done a tremondous job at learning this new career. He has caught onto how to sell products very rapidly and has shown his ability to relate to customers.

With that said, it brings me to my next topic. We are moving again. I know! After only being here a short 3 months, Jeff was asked to apply for a job out of training. We expected to be here for about 6 months originally. We will be moving to Cincinnati, OH come June 27th. Jeff's first territory! The thought of leaving Boston is sad because of all the wonderful people we have met here. On the other hand, I am so happy that Jeff is getting this opportunity. I am happy that I got to come out to Boston and see everything that I have gotten to see. I loved being able to drive up to New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine. What beautiful states. If you have never seen them, trust me you need to see that. Put that on your bucket list. You won't regret it. With that being said, I better get busy with my to-do list.

Just an update

I haven't written in a while mostly because I haven't had a whole lot to say and second because I had company for 9 days out of the month. We celebrated Savannah's birthday and enjoyed playing in our new pool. May just seemed to really fly by. I still am having a hard time believe that I can see my birthday in the 10 day forecast. Really not ready to face another birthday. I know your going to say your still young. For some reason birthdays just aren't as fun to face anymore. There's no presents and nothing really exciting about it anymore.

This week in our house, Savannah has been practicing on her walking skills. Not to good yet but is slowly getting there. She giggles with excitement every time she takes a step which I think really throws off her whole concentration. She takes about 3 steps at a time before falling. A few times she has made it 6 steps. With walking comes a whole new sense of trouble. She's getting stronger. This brings new abilities to open drawers that she once couldn't and open up the entertainment center to pull out all the dvds. Once in a while she manages to turn on the dvd player and play a movie for herself. Thanks Savannah, that will be a big help when another one comes along.

She has also become quite the fish in our big swimming pool. For some reason she screams when we are in the bathtub now. This started before the pool so I know thats not the reason. I was thinking it could be the ocean but she was screaming before the ocean too. This has been going on for over a week now. UGH the frustration. I enjoyed the time giving her a bath because she would sit and play while I called someone to catch up for 15-20 mins before bed. Now it takes everything I have to get her to sit down long enough for me to wash her up. As my aunt Rose says "It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind! =)" Ok Savannah, go ahead change your mind. I hope it doesn't last long.

Savannah has also grown very attached to a blanket. Now this morning she's added a friend to her attachments. A duck! Now when we go for a nap or wake up from a nap, the duck and the blanket come with us. I told my mom that I should count my blessings. At least she wasn't hard to wean from nursing, really isn't too attached to a bottle, and never took to a pacifier. Its just a blanket. Every child needs something that comforts them. She will lose the blanket eventually. Maybe when she goes off to college :).

Jeff is still doing great in his job. He loves everyone he works with. He feels that he is really doing something he loves. This was the reason he went to college. To sell bacon! Just kidding. He enjoys the ability to go out and talk to restaurants and sell products. It gives him a sense of accomplishment when he can make a sale or do really well at something. Everyone wants that ability. It is a huge learning environment. He feels as if he is learning something everyday. I know that I am incredibly proud of him and everything he does for our family. Without him, I would not have the ability to stay at home. Without him pushing me, I would have never tried new things. He told me the other day that I surprised him with the amount of things that I could do. Home maintenance is usually seen as the man's job but I do my best to do things to help him out. For instance, when we were remodeling our house in Austin, I went around and changed out outlets. I never imagined myself doing electrical work. Jeff taught me how and I just took it from there. It took me a couple hours to do it. I had some time so I figured I could do it so that we could take those couple hours that he would have spent doing it on something that he can only do or needs 2 people to do. We make up a really good team. I appreciate him so much for pushing me to grow. What do you get the greatest guy on Father's Day?

Nothing new here with me. Just doing the daily tasks of keeping up with a toddler and a husband. Always something to laugh and smile about.

I am THAT kind of mommy

In my pre-baby mind I had all these preconceived notions on how life was going to go. I think every woman for that matter has these preconceived notions. Whether its about the guy your going to marry, the type of wife your going to be, or how your marriage is supposed to go. Before baby I imagined my life filled with a baby that awoke happy and rarely cried. I was going to be the perfect mom and do EVERYTHING by the books. My baby was going to spend very little time watching tv and I was going to sit on the floor so I could play with her everyday. Truth is reality hits.

That crib bumper that you are not suppose to put in her crib has just saved me from rocking a crying baby that has just hit her head against the railing for the 2nd time at 3am. Oh I tried to go without it but after the second night of waking up, I gave up and Savannah got her way. Savannah was not going to watch very much tv. She's watching Raffi in concert so mommy can pay some bills online and catch up on the happenings of life without a little one grabbing the screen and wanting to bang on the keys. As I watched other moms with their children and thought to myself I am never going to do that when I have my own kids. Turns out I'm just like them...as Savannah throws a temper tantrum in Target. I was going to keep a super clean house. Laundry would always be folded and dishes would always be done. First let me get some caffeine and see how far I get. Dishes are in the dishwasher. Good enough for me. Now onto that laundry. Oh Savannah is coming to "help" unfold the clothes I just spent 15 minutes folding. Go upstairs to put all the clothes away only to discover that all my dresser drawers were empty and all my clothes are sprawled across the floor. Must find ibuprofen!

I wasn't going to offer any baby advice because that really annoyed me when I would get baby advice. I can't help but tell a story every now and then. I just can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth because for once I can relate to something someone is talking about at the dinner table when we are out and about. I sit and listen to all the stories people tell about doing spontaneous things or their work life. I will quietly admire all their stories with nothing to add to the conversation. As soon as I come in contact with someone I know that is having a baby, I can't stop the words from flowing! Before baby, I thought that I would have no problem going back to work. Honestly there are still days when I think about it. Then I go to mommy bible study and try to bribe Savannah into the church nursery as she's screaming with her arms held out for me. Ok maybe work isn't such a great way to go. Plus I don't know who would do the laundry or make the meals if I worked. Not working makes it hard to make that student loan payment every month for a degree that I worked so hard to get. Nevertheless, it gets paid and I continue to indulge in motherhood at home. I should count my blessings. So many people would love the opportunity to stay at home with their children but I am also just a normal person that way too. The grass is always greener on the other side.

To conclude, I have realized that books don't always tell you everything that is going to work for your children or your life. You have to figure out what works best for you. What is going to keep your sanity at the end of the day. People can offer you all the advice in the world. I still probably won't be able to resist telling my crazy baby stories or sharing my experiences but I guess that just makes me normal.

Something to make you laugh

I attended a baby shower this weekend where the guest of honor was given this book as a gift. I thought the title was hilarious so I read a few pages in it. I began to laugh so hard that I had to go home and look up this book. I found on Barnes and Nobles that they had an excerpt for the book. The book is called Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay. Here's the excerpt. I hope it strikes your funny bone on this Mother's Day.
 
Mommy and Me, Me, Me
There came a time when my baby was about six months old that I realized that a trip to the grocery store didn't constitute a full day of activity in the outside world for either of us, even if one of us was sneaking samples from the bulk section. The brief walk around the block later in the day wasn't adding much either. (I'd try to make it around the whole neighborhood, but my cell phone kept running out of juice.) So, while sitting in my living room for the tenth straight day, I realized the time had come to consider some alternate entertainment options.
Up until this point I'd avoided organized baby activities. I've never been much of a joiner, and in the beginning I had a ready-made excuse — I could barely get the baby in and out of the car in less than an hour. Plus, I'd always been a bit closed-minded about these types of things. I'd hear people talking about Mommy & Me, and judging by the name alone it sounded like something I'd have absolutely no interest in. I couldn't help but think, Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old — you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me.
I imagined the worst: magenta-colored walls with enormous yellow suns painted on them, and mommies as perky as preschool teachers, nuzzling their little cuties in their laps, singing cherished children's songs that I wouldn't be able to recall even if there were a gun to my head. Especially if there were a gun to my head! A lot of women taking their mothering very seriously.
So I looked into some alternatives, and as it turns out, there's no shortage of organized activities for you and your cherub — provided you have unlimited time and money. You can sign your infant up for tiny baby gymnastics, Itsy Bitsy Yoga, dance classes, music classes, and, if you live in New York, you can sign your six-month-old up for Broadway Babies, so they can learn to drool their way through Rent. If you decide that a trip down your birth canal isn't enough of a workout for your newborn, there's even a swimming class that offers lessons for one-day-old babies. What the hell? That just seems like a waste of money. You know how newborns are, by the time the kid is thirty-six hours old, he'll have forgotten everything he learned.
After I reviewed my various options, Mommy & Me started to sound more and more tolerable, so I reluctantly signed up for a class at a local temple, put on my fanciest drawstring pants, and hoped for the best. Maybe I'd make a friend.
It turned out my initial fears were not unfounded.
The group consisted of about twelve women and their babies arranged in a big circle on large colorful mats on the floor. Each mat had a face depicting a different mood and the name of that mood, such as HAPPY, SAD, SHY.
I scanned the room for my best discreet exit strategy, and then planted myself and my baby on a GRUMPY mat nearby.
The woman who sat down on my right had a baby approximately the same age as mine, so we struck up a conversation, which immediately proved difficult because of an unfortunate neon sweatband around her forehead. After a few minutes of not knowing where to look, I turned to the woman on my left. It was then that I made a truly frightening discovery — she too had a neon sweatband! Imagine the Vegas odds on two out of twelve women in the same room having on the exact same fashion atrocity.
Luckily, right about the time I'd run out of places to focus, our "leader," a woman whose pleasant personality made up for a lack of expertise of any kind, asked who among us had "baby issues" they wanted to discuss. She hit pay dirt with this crowd. It seemed plenty of moms were champing at the bit to hear the advice a group of equally inexperienced women could give them regarding certain pressing concerns. My attitude was getting poorer by the minute.
We spent the next forty-five minutes exchanging information on scintillating topics such as Is Diaper Rash Really a Rash?, The Pros and Cons of Spending Extra Money on Dreft Detergent, and Are Pampers Really Better for Girls? If there hadn't been a leader present, perhaps we could have discussed more important mommy issues such as How to Clean Your Bathroom Without Actually Cleaning Your Bathroom, or Finding Time to Masturbate, but this was definitely all about the babies.
One woman giddily suggested that it might be a fun mommy activity for all of us to drive about forty miles out of town later that week to watch her get her new child car seat installed, and unbelievably, a few women actually seemed genuinely interested. I momentarily considered inviting everyone along for my next Pap smear but was scared I'd get some takers.
During this time my mind started to wander a bit. I glanced around to see if there were any moms who felt as out of their element as I did. I noticed one woman was wearing a pink tank top with the words "Brody's Mommy" spelled out in sequins, like she was some sort of Brody groupie. I wondered what this was all about. I love my baby too, but I've never felt the need to shout it from my breasts. Hey, I own my home, but I don't have that information bedazzled on the seat of my pants. Plus, I've never seen anyone wearing an I HAVE HERPES T-shirt. Yet I happen to know that one out of every six people carries the virus. Wouldn't that be much more helpful personal advertising?
It also occurred to me that I could get a group of mothers with babies around my baby's age together at one of our houses or a park — for free. This is officially called a playgroup. For a lot of women this is ideal; but I had to be realistic. I can't figure out how to fit a vegetable in with a pasta dish. There was no way I would be organizing a group of women and their babies to be in the same place at the same time — with snacks — on a weekly basis.
I snapped back to attention as we shifted to the entertainment portion of the class. Our leader opened her set with a couple of baby crowd-pleaser songs: "Open, Shut Them" and "Wheels on the Bus." It was as I'd feared; I didn't know any of the words to these songs and felt self-conscious and out of place. But as I scanned the room to see if anyone would notice if I snuck out, I finally caught the eye of a woman who looked as ill at ease as I did. She smiled at me and rolled her eyes. There, I'd made a friend. My work here was done. I figured I'd try to get my new buddy to ditch this group and go to the mall.
But when I looked down at the little wriggly baby in my lap, I saw that she was loving it: the atmosphere, the songs, the other babies. My little sweetie's eyes were lit up like Paris Hilton's in a Fendi shop. My heart melted, and I knew I was in for the long haul. She giggled her way through every baby song, clapping game, and nursery rhyme. I leaned in close, nuzzling her ear, and whispered, "You do know this means you will not be putting me in a home when I get old, right?"
Just when it seemed it couldn't get any cheesier, a couple of bird hand-puppets made an appearance. I think they were supposed to be birds, because of the "Two Little Blackbirds" song that accompanied them, but it was difficult to make a visual ID. These puppets looked like they'd been sewn by someone in the midst of a seizure, on a train...during an earthquake. Yet the babies responded like a bunch of sex starved blue-hairs at a Tom Jones concert. I could swear a couple of the babies were so excited they threw their Pampers into the middle of the room. It was downright embarrassing.
And then I realized something even more troubling. I was kind of into it in spite of myself, smiling and laughing along with my baby. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I'd gone over to the dark side, but it had happened.
Later in the parking lot it really sunk in as I strapped my exhausted baby into her car seat and yelled "See you next week" to Brody's mom as she drove away in a huge white Lexus with a vanity plate surrounded by flashing lights that read, naturally, BRODYSMOM. I knew with certainty that this wouldn't be the last time I'd be sacrificing my dignity in the name of motherhood. Yes, I'd be back at Mommy & Me next week. And the week after that.
But I wouldn't rule out a little private weekly playgroup with my one new Mommy & Me friend at the nearby El Torito — free except for the price of four margaritas.
Copyright © 2006 by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

Read a Sample Chapter

A Poem

As I was browsing through websites today, I came across this poem. Beautifully written as if it were for me.

The Girl I Used To Be
Rowena K. Lewis

She came tonight as I sat alone
The girl I used to be....
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully;
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
and precious they are to me;
That the silken robes is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be

Something to vent about

Quite honestly some days a mom just has to hang her head down and say "this sucks." Being a mom is not always glamorous. Sure I get to sport around that extra large purse stuffed with diapers, snacks, toys and anything else needed to occupy a toddler while shopping. I get the joy of being stopped every 5 minutes so that Grandma's can admire and talk to the baby. It's cute the first couple times but once it takes you 3 times longer to get a "simple" errand done, it gets kind of annoying. Every person wanted to know her name today, how old she was, and of course that question that really gets me annoyed...how much does she weigh? I feel like printing out a bulletin sometimes with all the FAQ's. Normally it wouldn't bother me but when I have an errand to run after lunch, I only have so much time before Savannah hits the wall. I really don't like to go after naptime because I really never can guess how long she will sleep plus by that time I need to start making dinner. Planning these trips has become very strategic. Again, I love that they give her attention and ask me questions especially being new to the area but I really didn't need the extra love today.

It also sucks some days to be a mom when your child doesn't get all her pooping out in the first sitting. I don't mind changing dirty diapers but by a year this momma's got a limit. Seriously! What causes a child to poop THREE times in one day! She's been doing this once a week now. She was also the baby that dirtied every diaper for 3 months. They told me that eventually she would have a routine which she gradually did get. I don't know what's with the sudden need to revert back to her "newborn" days. She also managed to spit up all the mucous she's been coughing up on me and her outfit today. Enter 3rd outfit change of the day. Some days I don't even bother putting clothes on her until we go somewhere. I want her to be dressed in cute little outfits all the time. That just isn't reality when you actually have a child. They dirty pretty much every outfit you put them in. I just changed Savannah 20 mins ago and YES she's dirty again.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE BEING A MOM. Somedays you just need to vent and complain about all the dirty stuff that comes with being a mom. It's almost bedtime for the little girl and this momma survived today with all the things that came with it. Tomorrow will be a brand new day and something to smile about. She will stand up in her crib to greet me and say uuuugh (up). Seeing your child grow up and flourish makes mommyhood just a little bearable and all the gross things that happen will be a distant memory.

Almost a year

It truly is hard to believe that it has almost been a year since I had Savannah Joy. I can't help but remember since September, everything I was going through a year ago. When I was pregnant with her, it seemed like the time went by so slow. I couldn't wait to have the next step and hold her in my arms. Now she is a very busy almost toddler. Yikes! About a year ago I was put on bedrest at this time. At that time I thought it was the most torturous thing I could go through. Bedrest sounds pretty good right now. I'm exhausted from my cold and from chasing a certain someone around. It doesn't help that I've been up with her in the middle of the night because she's been coughing so much.

Anyways, a year ago, Jeff and I could never have imagined that our life would turn out this great. We never would have imagined looking into someone's eyes and instantly falling in love. Jeff is such a great dad too. He loves to play with Savannah. His best memory he said was when he took the week off after she was born. He loved being able to just cuddle up with her on the couch. It's those memories that you can hold onto forever. Work can wait. Spending time with your family is such a precious gift. I can still remember how it felt to feel her move inside of me. I miss that feeling some days. I loved the anticipation of wondering what she was going to look like. To hear her heartbeat everytime I went to the doctor. And I loved the nesting desire. A year ago, I nursed a baby for the first time. I felt what it was like to come home and feel like a totally different person. You are a mom now and have all these new emotions that you have never felt before. You are so worried that you are going to mess something up. You feel like all the eyes of the world are on you saying you better get this right. Now that its almost been a year, we are slightly more relaxed. Yes, we still worry as all parent do but I don't run in her room every 15 mins anymore to make sure she's still breathing. I guess you could say that I'm becoming more comfortable in my new skin as a "mom."

This certainly won't be the last child we have. Remembering a year ago makes me excited to welcome another child into our family...someday! For right now....Savannah enjoys being the center of our attention. Summer is coming which means lots of new things to discover. And we aren't quite "settled" yet. So for all those people who are asking me if I'm pregnant yet or wondering when we are going to start trying for another one. You will just have to wait in anticipation like a pregnant mom anticipates hearing her baby's first cry.

Spring has sprung in Mass.

The sun is shining today and it feels like spring. One last effort to make us sick is trying to make its way through our house. I really can't complain though because our family for the most part has missed all the sickness this winter. This cold is so far short-lived I see. I can see all the buds on trees and dandelions (yes dandelions) are popping up in the backyard. The Boston area is such a beautiful area in the spring. I've heard that it gets better in the fall. I can hardly wait. Well I actually I can wait because I enjoy the warm weather so much. I am not a person that likes winter. My goal in life is to move away from the snow.

Savannah is very Very active now. Once she figured out the crawling thing, she quickly got bored with that and was more interested in pulling herself up on things. She now furniture walks all over. Our living room is kind of set up like an obstacle course because she gets mad when she can't reach the next object to "walk" to. Every toy needs to come out of the toy bin. Once that happens, then we get bored. She gets the biggest kick out of sticking objects on top of something now. She will pull herself up to a chair to place a toy up there and sit back down to look up at it and laugh. Whatta goof!!! She insists on pulling everything out of drawers and opening all the cabinets. All the chemicals are making their way up and out of reach. I have no idea how to babyproof cabinets in a rental that doesn't have knobs on cabinet doors/drawers. If anyone has a suggestion, I'm open to it. I've been doing lots of looking on Babies R Us and Target. So far, nothing. Until then I pick everything up after she goes to bed and enjoy a clean house until she wakes up the next morning. Somedays I think that my house has a monkey in it!

Now for a summer project. I have decided to strip the painted on stain off of Savannah's changing table and crib to paint it a lovely cream. I can hardly wait for the final result. Why cream? Doesn't show the dust as easily and if it chips, it won't be as noticeable as a dark finish. So happy its finally getting warm out.

The Best Day Ever (through Savannah's eyes)

The day didn't start off that great. I couldn't stand up in my crib because daddy lowered it. Instead I just yelled until mommy got out of bed. I really didn't want juice like normal but instead insisted oatmeal. It was hard at times to decide whether I wanted to take another bite of oatmeal or steal a drink to wash it down. Most of the time I just kept eating worried that if I stopped mom might get up to do something else.

Mom put me in a pretty dress today for church. Church is this huge building with all kinds of people to look at. We sing songs. I'm not really sure of the words yet but I do my best to hold a note. I at least want to be heard. Mom tried to stick me in the nursery today but I refused to miss out on the service. She even tried to convince me to stay by sitting in the nursery with me but I just cried to let her know how much I was against that decision. Haha jokes on her to think that I'm going to ever stay in that room. After church daddy bought me a donut hole that I shoved in my mouth. I couldn't quite mush it all in my mouth so mom broke it up into smaller pieces.

The day just kept getting better and better. I took a much needed nap after that big adventure out. I mean, all that singing and crying wears a person out. I ate spaghetti for lunch. That is by far one of my favorite meals. I got to crawl around in the grass and taste a little bit of it too. I have to say, spaghetti tastes better. I watched mommy and daddy do all kinds of things in the yard. I have no idea what they were doing but it sure did keep my attention. They tried to gate me in at times on the deck so I just tried to eat my way through the gate once standing and shaking it didn't work. It was simply magnificent being outside. I got to see all kinds of things that I normally don't see in the house. How can a person stand to look at the same scenery for that amount of time? I have things to explore and taste. I also got to ride in the shopping cart at Lowe's. What could be better!

I tried to catch a quick snooze when they put me back in the car. I had no idea where I was going but I was wearing a swimming suit. The next thing I know I'm being taken out of my car seat again and my swimming buddy is with me. I get more and more excited when I see my floating device being blown up. I know whats coming next is going to be great. I had the best time in the pool. I got to kick and splash. by the time I got out of the pool, there was not a dry spot on me. I came home to have supper (spaghetti again!!) Then I got a bath afterwards. Aww life is great! Mommy put my pajamas on and read me a book. After a day like today, a girls gotta rest for the next adventure tomorrow.

Childhood memories

Jeff has had a couple days this week that has caused him to have to go to bed early due to waking up extra early to arrive to work earlier than usual. I try to be a very good sport and support him by going to bed early with him. It's a compromise that we have worked out and I don't mind laying down. It forces me to relax and take it easy after a long day of entertaining a screaming baby Savannah.

As I lay awake and Jeff sleeps, I spend that time praying for my cousin Emily. While praying for her it has gotten me to remember once again all the times that she has been there for me in my life. I know that she holds a special part in my life but to honestly remember everything fills my heart with overwhelming joy but at the same time so much guilt for not being able to help her out as much as I should be if I were closer.

So the story goes... Emily and I have known each other since we were crawling age. I bet you can't tell which is which in the picture :) We were only 9 months apart. I always joked with her that her mom had her and my mom thought hey that looks like a good idea and thats when I was made. Our parents tell us that we were pretty good at getting into trouble such as using a clothes basket to slide down the stairs. I viewed her as my sister seeing that my sister didn't come until 4 years later. All three of us were very close. We lived about 4 miles from each other and would frequently ride bikes to each others houses. Usually Hillary and I would ride over to Emily's since she lived closer to town. That way we could ride our bikes in town. After storms we would ride 4-wheeler around to pick up branches. It was never fun picking a yard up by yourself but when you had some great company it went by quickly.  I remember riding the bus together and I would always sit next to her. There was some cruel boys on the bus but when I sat next to her I felt stronger. We went to Colorado together when we were 16.

This picture was taken right before we went white water rafting.

This was taken at our campground. This is absolutely one of my favorite pictures of us. I blame Emily for getting me involved in a lot of my interests that I developed throughout my life. She has given me a love for games, scrapbooking, and swimming. Without her in my life I'm not sure who I would have turned out to be. She is definitely one of the most important people in my life.

As I lay there at night thinking about all these memories plus more, I can't help but wonder when did we grow up? I think when life hits you with something this life changing, it makes you change your whole perspective on life. It matures you more. It wakes you up and makes you realize that your an adult. This is life and you need to rely on God more than ever. This situation has changed Emily and I's relationship forever. I think this tough circumstance will grow our relationship in a way that it might not have grown if life were simpler. Sometimes we just need to sit back and not as why but instead say thank you.

A little of everything

I have been anxious to update my blog about something exciting that we have done in Massachusetts so far. I haven't been able to do that yet because we really haven't gotten out to do too much since its been a little chilly to walk anywhere in the city. We had high hopes to go to the aquarium in Boston and show Savannah all the cool animals but after Jeff standing in the cold, windy weather for an hour and getting to the ticket booth finally, he decided that he wanted to go when we would have more time there. By the time he got to the ticket booth, they would be closing in 2 1/2 hours. It was going to be a lot of money to get in for such a short time. We will try at a later date. We tried to walk around the downtown area for a little bit but it was just too cold. We weren't dressed for the weather as we were expecting to be indoors. At least I was able to see Boston and we all got out of the house for the afternoon.

We also found a church to attend yesterday. It was very easy this time around. I wish it would have been that easy in Austin. One church and it was meant to be. Jeff and I usually can not agree on one aspect of the service usually. When I like the music, he doesn't or when he liked the sermon, I really didn't. This church worked for both of us. There was even a song in the service that spoke to both of us. We looked at each other on the way home totally freaked out. This is the place that we are meant to be at right now.

We have also met some wonderful friends. They are newly married and expecting their first baby in June. So excited for them. Dan has been mentoring Jeff through this training. It's so great how everything has just clicked so far. Wendy (Dan's wife) is also a very down to earth person. They are both from MN. I just have to sit back in amazement at times how God works in our lives.

I will admit, at times I am heartbroken to be out here. Things like being reminded that Savannah will not be celebrating her birthday with all her family around her high chair singing happy birthday to her as she dives for her cupcake. This weekend I felt sad that I couldn't be at home with my cousin Emily. We grew up 5 miles from each other and would frequently ride our bikes back and forth to each others houses. Our lives would drift apart every now and then but whenever they came back together, we would pick up right where we left off. She had a c-section on Friday and I'm not able to visit her in the hospital. I'm not able to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I'm here for her and everything's going to be ok. Instead, I watch from a website hoping to hear an update. Instead I pray for her all day. It truly breaks my heart that I can't be there to help her through this difficult time. In life we take things like life for granite. We expect that everything is going to go right in a pregnancy. God humbles us by showing that we still need to put all of our trust in him. Thats exactly what Scott and Emily are doing. This is one of the most difficult times in their lives. It amazes me how people can go through life and not believe in God. How do they get through these difficult times? How do you face the next day when its full of uncertainty without trusting in God? That's how I'm making it out here. I know that God wants us out here right now. I would love to be selfish and stay in my comfort zone of home. If I did that, I would not grow. I would not meet new people that mold me into a better person. I would not be able to feel the love of my husband that I do now. I feel closer to him now than I have in 3 years. Out here we are only depending on each other. Moving here has done the best thing to our marriage.

Now its time to brag about my husband. He is so much happier in this career change. He has more energy when he comes home at night and is a more lovable person to be around. He's starting to slack on helping out around the house again but we got that turned around :) He is ahead of his training and his boss told him that he doesn't expect him to be here as long as they first anticipated. That's the only challenging part with a Hormel life. You never know when your spouse will come home to tell you that were moving. Jeff's doing a wonderful job as a sales trainee and I am so proud of him.

The unblog

I had a whole blog written out but then I deleted it. I want to share with you how great things are out here and tell you about all of adventures but just can't seem to muster up the strength to do it today. Just know that I could use some prayer for strength and guidance. I am always in need of wisdom on what to say so you can throw that in there. My life is no bed of roses right now. There's quite a few thorns but they are gradually working themselves out.

Girls day!

Today I did little housework. I fought back the urge to go through the spare bedroom and rid it of anything not needed and sort through that mountain of paperwork from the past month. Instead I spent the time playing patty cake and singing toddler tunes. I took her to BabyGap and she pointed out (and pulled down) all the pretty clothes that she liked. She always knows when we are shopping for her. I can't figure out how she knows. When I walk into my department she immediately is a disobedient shopper. Customers and employees talked to her and made her feel like the center of attention. We snuggled up fora  nap together which mommy needed just as much as she did. I adore the days when I kiss my cares away and just enjoy the company of God's beautiful creation. I know she will grow up so quickly and I don't want to look back and say to myself that I should have enjoyed the moments far greater than I did. It's days like these that your heart feels warm. The sun shining in the window seems brighter and your shoulders feel less burden. Her only worry right now is getting the object thats out of reach. She lacks patience and determination. Something that I might not notice if I were too caught up on the household tasks. I painted her nails for the first time today. I did manage to get most of it on her nails and little on myself. I consider that a huge accomplishment. She seems so much happier when I take the time to listen to all her stories and make her giggle at my funny faces. So precious is a life that you helped create.

On another note, yesterday I spent the day labor ridden. I painted up the stairs and in the loft area. An area that I thought would only take me a few hours turned into most of my day. Out with the yellow paint!! Savannah showed me yesterday that a tension gate will not work at the top of the stairs. I thought it was pretty tight. Well at least as tight as I could get it. She eventually rolled over there and kicked it down as my back was turned. My heart jumped only to see the baby gate laying in two pieces at the bottom and a little Savannah smiling from ear to ear kicking her legs at the top of the steps. Baby gate attempt #1 failed so we will have to invest in something a little more powerful. :)

Were Here Part 2

After many hours of unwrapping and unpacking and organizing,  I feel the end is finally getting near. I can finally hit the stores and fill in the gaps with things that I need at this place to make it a home. Such as the kitchen is smaller than what we had. (I know hard to believe) Ok maybe its not smaller, just I didn't design it and they didn't use the cupboard/drawer space efficiently. This has "forced" me to go to Bed Bath and Beyond to search for organizers in order to fit everything (well at least the necessity items) in our kitchen. Believe me I have plenty of overspill.

When the boxes started to arrive here on Thursday I have to say, I have never seen so much cardboard and PAPER. Oh my goodness, the amount of paper they used. I think I killed one tree with just the amount of paper they used to wrap all my stuff. I've been told that they need to use that much paper so stuff won't break. Well I have to say that it worked. Only one thing has been broken and its replaceable.

My painting is yet to be completed. I think if we didn't have Netflix and if I didn't all of a sudden get addicted to a series on there, I would be a lot farther than I am. Oh and also if I didn't have to take care of a 10 month old. Moving is completely different with a child. Not looking forward to doing it the next time. I kept thinking that when I was unpacking all our stuff. This is only temporary and we WILL be moving again in 6-12 months.

After all the commotion of a move and unpacking, Savannah turned 10 months old. I woke up that morning realizing that now would be the time to start thinking about her 1st birthday. It didn't take me long to realize for the first time since knowing about the relocation that this never occurred to me. I couldn't throw the party I had been thinking about since she was born. I had to think of a new dream. But before coming up with a new dream, I had to throw myself a little pity party. I think that I deserved to be able to throw myself a little pity party. I have given up a lot this past year and Jeff has acknowledged it over and over. He has been very grateful for me not complaining about some of the sacrifices that came with flipping a house and going down to a one car. I feel like the benefits for all that sacrificing are just starting to play out. We now have a savings account again and no credit card debt! We have 2 cars! There is so many great things that this move has brought to us. So many opportunities and blessings. There is always a few thorns though. Being hours away from my family and friends. Not being able to celebrate Savannah's birthday with a big group of family members. But I know when we move back to the MN area in the future we will have big birthday parties. Right now it will probably just be the 3 of us plus any friends we make along the way.

We're Here Part 1

I have been anxiously awaiting to get Internet back so that I could fill everyone in on some details about our move. The packers coming was a little, umm, overwhelming to say the least. Trying to keep an eye on 3 people plus a child was challenging. I did end up forgetting a few things such as a coat for Savannah. Oops. She got a new spring coat out of the deal though. The drive went way better than either one of us anticipated. Taking it a couple hours at a time proved to be very effective. Savannah got a good fill of Baby Einstein from the back seat and also got a lot of good naps in since hotels are not a place for babies to have a good nights sleep nor mommy's. Besides the waking up every 2 hours in the hotel room, I couldn't have asked for a better transition.

Our family is becoming well acclimated with our surroundings. I thoroughly know my way to and from Target. I have spent a small fortune there replacing all the things that had to be thrown away because the moving company would not pack them. I finally got to buy Savannah her Shabby Chic curtains that I have been eyeing up. I can hardly wait for the curtain rods that are on the semi so I can hang them up tomorrow. Savannah is starting to get adjusted to living here too. She's not quite as fussy as she was initially and she is back to waking up only once at night. Aww, routine. It's times like these when you really start to appreciate routines. I think tomorrow will be like Christmas for Savannah. She will get all her toys back and especially her crib. I'm thinking a full nights sleep is ahead of myself. :) I will for once have a place to sit besides the floor to eat or just relax.

If it wasn't for all the painting I did today, I would have a hard time sleeping due to all the excitement but I'm exhausted. Exhaustion is far more powerful than my excitement right now. Will post more once I have some more energy.

There's no 2 alike

I think one of the best things in life is getting married. Your husband will challenge you and teach you so many new things about yourself. I've learned to save more than I would have if I wouldn't have gotten married. It's so much fun learning about the differences you have at times. The way you think about something can be totally different than the way they see things.

So far this has been the best 9 months raising a child together. The way I would take care of Savannah is different than he would. I could go into lots of detail about such stories but I just wanted to share one that made me laugh so hard this past week. Jeff was trying to tell me that we could save money by potty training Savannah. In his mind, she's ready. (There's all kinds of laughter in my head as he says this) I told him if he really thinks shes ready that he can work on it this past weekend. He thinks its no big deal. You just have to watch for her "pooping face" and put her on the potty. (Like I have nothing else to do with my day besides watch my child's face for the "pooping face." So Saturday 8am came and Savannah started filling her diaper. I looked at him and said ok now you need to get her pants, onesie, and diaper off before she poops. Ready, set, go. (Big smirk) His excuse was she didn't have a potty her size. I just told him to hold her over the toilet. He thought that I was ridiculous for suggesting such a thing. Needless to say, there wasn't one clean diaper and not one attempt to get her to the potty. Do you think I have taught him its not possible yet?

Another page to turn, a new adventure ahead

Tomorrow will be our last week in the house. Wow where did the time go? When Jeff first came home and told me where we were going and when we were moving it seemed like a long time away. Now its within reach. In another week we will leave the place we have called home for 15 months. The place that we fought and made up, learned so much from each other, and brought our first child home. As much as I'm excited to see what else lies ahead for us in the future, its a little sad to leave this place. I won't ever get to see Savannah take her first steps here or for that fact even crawl. I won't get to see the bulbs, that I so diligently planted when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, blossom. We will be off to make new memories at our new place. I hope this job brings the happiness that Jeff is looking for. I know I've said that before, but that is my true hearts desire. I knew the guy he was in college and I have longed to see that spirit in him again. That was of course the man I fell in love with.

I'm also very excited for the person that will be living in our house. I hope that she will be grateful for the beautiful backyard and of course my flowers. I hope that she will appreciate all the hard work that we put into the house and that it all goes well for her in the house.

So next week we are off to our next chapter in life. I hope this one is just as good as the last one was.

Ruffles, Frustration, and Determination

I set out yesterday afternoon with a sleeping baby. I held off her morning nap in order to get her to take a longer one in the afternoon so that I could sew more on her ruffle blanket. As I sat down at my sewing machine and started sewing, I soon realized the machine I had left working yesterday was all of a sudden all out of adjustment on tension. I fiddled around with the tension. Nothing. Rethreaded the machine. Nothing. Turned the machine off and back on. Nothing. Ok lets rethread again. Still nothing seemed to work. I still was getting the tangled thread look on the back of whatever I sewed. I seriously spent 2 hours working on this. Savannah was now up. I decided to throw in a movie for her to buy me some time and also give her a snack.

Yes there is a big pile of snacks on the floor but I didn't care. I will vacuum later. My sewing machine still isn't working. Now its been 4 hours and Jeff is home. I begged for him to do something to fix it. I was in no mood to talk and my frustration was growing by the hour. He kept asking if there was something he did because I was in a bad mood which just made me more frustrated. He should know better I was thinking. :) Today Jeff finally took it apart. There was a small ball of thread against the tension that was throwing it off. Today I spent the day working on her blanket. It didn't turn exactly like I wanted it to but I am proud of it because I know how long it took for me to make it and all the hard work I put into it. I will cry the first time Savannah spills something on it or worse throws up on it. It's cute enough to be fit for a princess right now though. 

A mother's struggle

First off I want to apologize to my friend Jorgen. I try so hard not to write too many blogs about my mommy lifestyle now but this is whats really been on my mind. I hope you can put up with me for a little bit Jorgen :)

Savannah's doctor appointment went extremely well on Tuesday. Doctor said that she is teething on top and bottom but everything else appears to be in perfect health. She tipped the scales again this appointment with everything being at the 95+ percentile. I myself am disappointed that she is not crawling. She has no problem getting herself around places by scooting or rolling. She also has just learned how to take steps as I'm holding onto her. She sometimes tries to shake my hand away so she can dance but quickly realizes that she isn't that good yet. I feel saddened when I hear about another little baby that is crawling or reaching those milestones that I want her to reach so badly. I try to convince myself that its a good thing she's not crawling all over yet. But its kind of like when your in the last stretch of pregnancy and everyone is going into labor except you. You know its eventually going to happen for you but you can't help feeling sorry for yourself. I should know better than to fall into this trap. I think we may be doing some hardcore crawling practice this weekend. Time to build up some more muscles. I think personally that daddy is looking more forward to her crawling so he can chase her around than I am.

I have been working diligently on her ruffly comforter today. I'm giving myself until we get packed up to get it done. I don't want pieces of material packed away. So far I am very proud of how it's turning out. There is some things that I will do differently next time but not too shabby for first time around. You gotta start somewhere.

Hormel Christmas Party

Last night was the Hormel Christmas Party. It was fun had by all. I think I had more fun this year than I did the previous year. I knew more people at the party and felt more relaxed knowing that Savannah was in good hands. My dress of course was something that I had imagined wearing to such a party. Last year I felt that I had little choices for dresses to wear because I was sporting the baby bump. It was purple this year instead of the typical black dress that I pull out of my closet. I could go on and on about why this year was better but I think the best part was my date. Jeff and I's relationship has really grown over the past year. Seeing him as a dad is very attractive on him. ;) Plus this new found sense of happiness on him for getting this job into sales. Renovating a house together has really helped to also build our relationship together. You learn how to solve/work problems out together. I can't imagine loving my husband more than I do right now but I know that the best is yet to come.

Crib or bed?

Every night I put Savannah to sleep in her crib. By the time she wakes up for the first time which is usually around midnight I feel guilty for putting her in her crib because I go to pick her up and she's cold to the touch. Our house is pretty drafty in the bedrooms due to old windows. We wanted to replace them but with all the renovations, that one just didn't make it on the list of completion before the house went on the market. She does sleep in footy pajamas too so its not that I don't dress her with the appropriate bedtime attire. Our bed has a heated blanket and its a king size so I figure why not just crawl into bed with us. Half way through the night she's kicking me or I'm sweating so much from her laying next to me that back in the crib she goes. I overcome my guilt feeling with the desperation to get sleep. By the time Jeff goes to work Savannah is back up and yes back in bed with me since there is one less person in the bed. There is just something so special about being able to cuddle with your baby in the early morning and waking up to see them smiling at you.

It is official. We have signed a lease for our house in Massachusetts. Its just the type of place that I had pictured us living in. My stomach does cartwheels when I think about the backyard and how much fun Savannah and I will have playing back there this summer. I'm almost tempted to buy a kiddie pool that Target just happened to put out on their shelves now. How dare them!

Jeff and I are ready for this new adventure in our lives. For the most part every t is crossed and every i is dotted. Due to our house being sold we were able to pay off most of our debt which has made Jeff and I both bearable people to be around especially to each other. It's weird how much debt weighs on your shoulders.

Hormel Christmas party tonight. Can't wait to wear my dress, drink some wine, and interact with people.

Planes, houses, and changes

I wish that I could be posting about the fact that we found a place to live but so far that is not the case. Jeff is flying back out there this weekend to do some additionally looking. Due to the snowstorm on Wednesday changing flight plans and the realtor rescheduling the day we looked at places it just didn't work out. We had the chance to look at about 9 places on Friday. Thursday was spent getting our bearings around Franklin. We got a bank account there and did some grocery store price shopping. I never realized how hard it would be to choose a place in such a short amount of time. I thought that I would be able to walk into a place and know that it was the right place. I loved the log cabin place but just too many cons and things that I would have to give up. I watched Savannah take a bath in the hotel after we had looked at places and my heart sank knowing that I would not be able to sit in the bathroom and give her a bath if we were to get the log cabin. The log cabin has a tight tank so any water that you use goes into the tank and you have to get it pumped out every so many weeks. It would change your whole mindset on how you view water. The location was ideal and the house was gorgeous. It was truly one of the hardest places to walk away from. We of course had to look at some places that I had to think "people actually live here." There was dead bugs in the window sills and it was just really really dirty.
Savannah did really well on the trip. She loved the plane ride. I smiled every time someone would say  "she's such a happy baby." I feel that with her colic for the first 4 months that I have in a way earned a happy baby. She also was teething the whole time. Tylenol and teething tabs quickly became our best friends. She learned a few things while we were gone too. She learned how to blow raspberries and pull her legs back when shes on her back to suck on her toes. I have been waiting for her to do that. It's just so adorable. She also now holds her legs up for me when I change her diaper. I don't know if she does that because she knows I need assistance with her diaper changes or because she thinks it's fun to hold her legs up. Either way I am loving the help. She absolutely loved the pool. I think I will be spending a lot of time this summer taking her swimming. Can hardly wait for that!!!
All in all it was a great trip and I think that it will be a great move. It was a beautiful state to drive around and there was a Dunkin Donuts literally on every corner. I may have to give up my pop addiction and switch to coffee.

ZZZZZZZZ's

I have been fighting with Savannah for the past hour trying to get her to nap. I finally gave up because I had packing to get to and decided to put Baby Einstein on to entertain her for 20 mins. Baby Einstein was over so I figured I would feed her lunch quick then try to put her down for a nap again. She took about 3 bites of her food and this is what I found...

I reclined her chair once she started falling asleep because she was leaning over the high chair. It's safe to say that I think she was a little tired :)

Sleepless in Austin

Today I was humbled. A friend called me out on something that should have been called out a long time ago. I appreciate this person's honesty so much. You are never too old to stop learning and growing as a better person. I have a million excuses in my head and could blame people in my past for this event but I don't want to bring myself to that level. Here's to 2011 hopefully being a better year filled with an abundance of meeting new people and developing lasting friendships. Friends mold you more than anyone can on earth. They can either make you a better person or worse person. I am so glad that this friend could be honest with me and that in turn it makes for an ongoing friendship.

Stay at home mom?

If you had asked me when I was in college what I would be doing in the next five years. Marriage and a stay at home mom lifestyle would have been at the bottom of my list. It's those special things in life that take you by surprise and makes you life just that much better. Jeff and I were talking the other night about how I life would have been different if we would have never met each other. The dreams that we each had envisioned post college. I had planned on moving to the cities and spending time in a downtown loft that I couldn't possibly afford but it was just too darn cute no to pinch every penny to make it work. I would go out on weekends with all my friends and pretty much have no strings attached. I would have landed this amazing job (probably not so realistic in this job market). Jeff was going to get a job (not Hormel) and live this amazing life too. He had similar outlooks to what I had in mind. Neither one of us envisioned ourselves "settling down".

I never would have realized how much enjoyment I had found now that I am a stay at home mom. I appreciate my husband so much for working so hard for not only me but to provide for his daughter and whatever future children we may have. It has taught me the true value in life. There is something so precious about being able to watch something you created discover new things. I feel that I would have missed out on a lot if I would have been career driven. I wait all day for nap time to come or for bedtime to come so that Savannah can go down for a little bit and I can get things done. I can't help but just sit and rock her now when she falls asleep. I know that this moment will not last and I want to soak up every ounce of it. The house can wait to be picked up from the days chaos. But those blissful moments of silence where life is so peaceful is such an opportunity for one to reflect on how great life is. I am truly one blessed person.

Salt and Pepper

Great part in the movie Fireproof. Best part is that we got a salt and pepper shaker card for our anniversary. Makes you look at salt and pepper completely different.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prIWM_zSVJw&playnext=1&list=PL2C0FCA3F2362BA81&index=20

SOLD!!

It has been a little while since I updated the blog. It's just so hard to find time to sit down between the holidays and getting the house on the market. Then keeping the house clean while it was on the market. So glad that it sold within a week. Made my life just a little less stressful at the moment. I had to tell Jeff yesterday to stop throwing a new thing at me every time he comes home. Paperwork to be filled out. Another item to "keep in mind." I could barely remember my name. We had the pleasure of going out for a night of fun in Rochester tonight. It was so nice to just have another night to relax. I feel those are farther and fewer between.

On Monday we celebrated our 2 year anniversary. It really is still hard to believe that it's been 2 years. As a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day. It seems like it came and went within a blink of an eye. Now I have the memories and an amazing husband by my side. I had to joke with him of course on our anniversary and say "we've been married for 2 years and we still like each other." Considering everything we have been through in the past 2 years. We moved to Austin, I got laid off from my job, bought a house, remodeled a house, had a baby, and some other little bumps along the way. A LOT happens in 2 years. Lets hope the next 2 years are a little less eventful. But I'm guessing that the ride has just started.

Savannah is still being a little stinker at night. She chooses when she wants to sleep through the night. Just in case I forgot she was the boss. :) Well off to give her a bath. The job never ends but I don't mind the overtime one bit. It's the best job ever!!!