Happy 3 months

We have adjusted (for the most part) to being a larger family. Most days I feel I have this mom of 3 status down pat. I even think in the back of my mind that I could throw one more in the mix and I would survive. The days of Lauren's PICU stay and almost losing her scare is fading from my mind slowly as each day. She has a sun-kissed look about her now as we have spent many days out in the sun already.

Savannah and Carson have adjusted to her this past month. Carson LOVES being around baby Lauren. Its a great thing but a not so great thing. As I'm nursing her he is trying to climb on top of me to cuddle. I'm using  one arm to hold her and the other arm to push Carson away/save Lauren from being squished. I have to keep an extra close eye on her when she's on the floor because Carson sees her as a race track. He likes to zoom his cars up and down her then giggle. Lauren does not find the humor in it as much.

Savannah is at such a fun age now. She likes to explain the world to me and I can't help but laugh at some of the things she comes up with. She's into expressing herself and very dramatically I might add. It was 4:00 yesterday and she was starving. I said to her that she needed to wait for dinner to be done. In a dramatic state she says "mommy my tummy hurts from being sooo hungry. It makes me sad. When I get sad it makes me cry. Mommy do you want to make me cry?" Ok child a theatre role may be in your future. She starts preschool August 11th. I remember when she was born that the days seemed to go by so slowly. I wanted her to walk and that seemed like it was going to be forever away and I had plenty of time to enjoy her. In reality, the days are slow but the years go by so quickly. She's potty trained, walked, and talking my ear off. Soon she will put on her backpack and wave good bye to me to enter school. I only have 2 more years of her being at home most of the days. I'm going to enjoy them while I can.

Carson is 2. Enough said! He talks but not everything is audible. I can get the gist of what he is saying. He throws tantrums. He has these dark brown eyes that look at you and you can't help but melt. He is a toddler trying to embrace his independence and his mean parents won't let him. Like strapping him down in the stroller so he doesn't run into the street. How unkind of us  ;)

Thats all I have time to write today. Savannah is pulling me away, begging to play a game. How could I possibly say no?!

Between a rock and a hard place

This vaccine debate and posting articles on facebook regarding vaccines is enough to break my heart. I have stopped vaccinating my kids a year ago. I had a really bad feeling every time I brought them to the doctor and I had to hold my child down to get them injected. I didn't know why I had this feeling but slowly this past year it has become clearer to me. The more research I have done, the more I kick myself for not looking into these things sooner.

I'm not sure if you remember but Savannah used to have vomiting spells. She would throw up for a day for no reason at all. We went to countless doctors to get first opinions, then second opinions, then to a GI doctor. It all led to dead ends and driving home in tears wondering what I was going to do with my sick child. I missed out on fun things because my child was sick. Carson also failed to gain weight after 4 months. He spit up so much and also went to doctors to check everything out. Everything checked out great and he was diagnosed with acid reflux. He was put on medicine at birth but I only gave it to him for a few weeks as I wasn't noticing a difference at that time. When he was put back on it around month 10, he had an allergic reaction to it once the dose was doubled (doubled because he weighed more). I had 2 very sick kids.

I decided to stop vaccinating and do some research after I read an article where a certain individual didn't understand why their newborn needed a Hep B vaccine. The chance of your child catching Hep B is so extremely rare. I started questioning how many other ones weren't necessary for a child so young. Especially for my kids who aren't in daycare. I came upon people talking about their children throwing up after a vaccine. I all of a sudden had a realization that this could be the cause of all our troubles. This was a reaction to something I was doing to them.

I should have done better. I should have read the ingredient list. I never realized that vaccines are also made from aborted fetal tissue. As a christian, I do not believe in abortions. That's a whole other debate but thats my personal belief. I feel I am encouraging abortion by vaccinating my child.

To have my case proven is just impossible. I am having the most impossible time finding a doctor that will take us because we do not vaccinate. We are judged and it doesn't matter the reason. I feel I am doing what I need to do to protect my children from longer suffering. A mother's intuition is usually right on. I've been right about a lot of other things. So why do I write this? I want my story out there and to hopefully not be judged further for not vaccinating my kids. I don't want to be looked at like I am a crazy person for even thinking this. Before you judge me or think I'm crazy, do your own research. We have a higher chance of being in a car accident than catching a deadly disease. All I have to do now days is mention I don't vaccinate and people tell me what a horrible mom I am. I am not a horrible mom.

Savannah hasn't had a single vomiting spell in a year. :)