17 week check up

Friday is almost here. I have my "16 week" really 17 week check up. This is the appointment I have been dreading for the past 4 weeks. I have done tons of research, pondering, and asking friends on this subject that will be discussed at my check up on Friday. It has been recommended to me to get progesterone shots throughout the pregnancy. They are wanting to prevent me from going on bed rest and to keep the baby in as long as possible. It's one of those decisions I feel that I am going to wonder if I did the right thing the entire pregnancy. If I don't get it and go into labor early with a premature baby am I going to kick myself for not doing all I could do to prevent it? If I get future side effects from getting these extra hormones injected into my body, am I going to regret even doing the shots "just in case"? I know what my answer will be on Friday but its still hard not to stress about the "what ifs".

Fit for the job

This week was hard. I'm not going to lie. As a mom, Satan doesn't forget about us and wears us down at times. A mother's job is more strenuous some weeks than others. The devil finds this as a perfect opportunity to ride in stealing your joy.

It's funny how when a mom makes a comment about how she is struggling in a certain area the first words out of people's mouths isn't ones of encouragement but ones of "you need to appreciate the life you were given." I have heard this line used not only towards me but to other people "some people can't have children or this time goes fast so enjoy every moment." Enjoy every moment.... doesn't that seem like such a far fetched achievement. Even for motherhood! The sleepless nights do pass. The toddler following you around every footstep does pass. It passes too quickly. I am 28 years old and been a mother for 3 years now. I still look at pictures of Savannah as a baby when we first were in the hospital feeling like it was yesterday. I don't need someone telling me that time goes fast because I'm living it myself.

Mom's need a place to vent out their frustrations as well. I remember working (yes it was only 6 short months) but I remember it nevertheless as a time to love my job BUT I also came to work some weeks feeling utterly defeated by a certain client. I would talk among my peers for suggestions and encouragement. I don't ever remember someone telling me to appreciate the fact I had a job and to deal with it. A job is a blessing. A job in a field that I loved working at. This is my new calling. This is my new job. It fills me with immense happiness. There are still those days or weeks or months where I struggle not to cry over the spilled milk on the floor or cleaning up the Mr. Potato Head pieces for the 5th time that day. You wonder if its making a difference at all.

What hurts the most is when other mother's are the ones that make these comments. As sisters in Christ, we are to build one another up. If you see someone struggling, you build them up with scripture, with praise, and compassion. You show them grace knowing you too have days of heartache. It works for parents as well. We are all in this crazy journey together that is really REALLY difficult. You are completely responsible for the life of this person and that is a big task to take on without support.

Second Trimester

Please tell me that my kids are not the only ones who bring random stuff all around the house. Tonight I spend a good amount of my time returning things to their rightful places. There is two of them so keeping an eye on what each one takes is getting to be more and more of a challenge. I had ABC fridge magnets in about 3 different rooms of the house. Savannah decided to leave her bath towel in the middle of the living room because that's where she decided to get dressed. I walked into her room to find that she had taken every pair of pj's out of the drawer to find the perfect outfit. While doing that Carson decided to find a glass of water left in his reach to spill all over. I have been doing lots and lots of looking on google on how to survive 3 kids under 3. I can't keep up with 2 so I can't imagine when I have even more man power against me.

Jeff and I had a very exciting appointment on Friday. We got to see how baby "we most likely know the sex of the baby already but are waiting to tell everyone at 20 weeks" looked in black and white on tv. We heard a beautiful strong heartbeat of 150 beats. Baby posed for the U/S tech and we got great, clear pictures. She said she had a pretty good guess at what baby was appearing to be already based on how well baby was laying that day. We got to meet our doctor that will hopefully deliver our baby and were very pleased with the decision we made on our doctor. She was very open to decisions we wanted to make based on personal preference and we didn't feel pushed into anything.

I am finally starting to feel back to my regular self and growing more each week in the tummy area. I'm getting slightly bigger quicker with this time around. With fall approaching, we have a very busy schedule so its nice to know that fatigue and nausea are hopefully a thing of the past. Looking forward to slightly cooler weather. I feel like a furnace with all this extra blood flow and hormones in my system. I may actually get to catch up with friends with a phone call during nap time over taking a nap myself :)

Three's company or Three's a crowd?

This comes as such a surprise that I am in the position I am now. In June, Jeff and I discussed our future of paying off the car and student loan debt. We wanted to start fresh when we are again transferred to MN. We figured out a plan that was doable. A month later, I am sitting in the bathroom looking at a positive pregnancy test and crying. This was not in the plan. This was not how I planned my summer going. Jeff assured me that everything would be alright. It still didn't stop me from waking up at 2am for a few days panicking about the thought of THREE kids under 4. I have TWO hands. I have a car for TWO kids. We have a house with 3 bedrooms. One for us and one for each of the children. Where would the baby go? We feel financially secure with TWO kids. What happens when one gets the stomach flu? Are they all going to start puking at the same time? Who will ever watch THREE children so I can have some me time or go to appts?

I know all those things will work there own way out but it's all still a very overwhelming thought. We have told people that number 3 is coming and I have heard many of the same responses... oh boy are you going to have your hands full! Or one of my favorites...are you crazy? Both of these responses leaving me more defeated than built up. I was really looking forward to a summer of swimming, outdoor activities, and zoo trips. When you are pregnant this constant cloud of nausea and fatigue hang over your head for about 8 weeks. This past few weeks I feel guilty for not being as excited about a baby and bad that I can't give my kids all the experiences I had in mind. I am having a hard time keeping up with meals, errands, the house, and the kids. It takes everything I have to be the proper wife and mother each day. Each day I know I leave people disappointed by not getting something they need done.

I know the excitement of the next addition will come in time. Once I feel those first kicks and listen to the baby's heartbeat for the first time all those emotions will come rushing back to pure happiness. Just the selfish part of me that was loving the fact that I could finally leave my kids with a sitter without worrying about pumping or if the baby would wake up in the middle of the night or the part of me that loves ME time once the kids go to bed fighting with every ounce to stay up just 5 more minutes so I could enjoy some quiet time is having a hard time with being pregnant once again.  I can't wait until September 4th when I have my first appt. By then all my energy should be back and I can finally look at a meal without feeling nauseous. Until then could someone cook for me and come clean my house :) I want a nap :)

Update on Savannah

Do I dare jump for joy or am I too early for a celebration? I am silently in my heart thanking God that Savannah has not had one of her vomiting spells since March! A couple of weeks ago she complained right before bed that her tummy hurt and she started moaning. I knew she meant business when she went to grab her puke bucket. I asked her if she needed her medicine for her tummy. She said yes. So to the cabinet for Zofran we went and she rested comfortably for the remainder of the night.

That all happened on Wednesday night. On Thursday she had matter built up in her eyes so right away my mind went to that we had pink eye. It was too late in the day to make her a doctor appointment. I decided to wait it out until Friday. On Friday she woke up with clear eyes. Just a little sleep matter. I kept a close watch on her eyes all day to see if they would do anything. She was outside playing and running around as if nothing was bothering her. At 3:30 she told me that she wanted to go lay down. Its very common lately for her to want to lay down at this time for an hour or so before dinner. I could only hear her screaming at the top of her lungs. I went into her room to see her grabbing her ear and screaming that it hurt. Quickly called the doctor to see if I was in any luck of getting an appointment on a Friday an hour before they closed. They told me to hurry in. I drug my screaming 3 year old to the doctor, into the room where we waited for 30 minutes (seemed like hours), and to be examined. She had a full blown ear infection. Now the doctor had me thinking. "Is Savannah's vomiting episodes coming from ear infections that don't develop into much more than an ear aches?" She had no other symptoms. The doctor found this strange because she wasn't coughing, running a fever, or having any type of nasal drainage. It just makes a mama wonder.....

These past 2 months have been emotional on me personally. I have been neglecting my tooth hygiene. After college and 2 kids, my mouth went downhill pretty quickly. I felt better when the dentist explained it this way. Some people can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound like you. Other people can eat whatever they want and brush their teeth once a day and never get a cavity in their life. Everyone has weaknesses. This is my weakness. The beginning of this year one of my back molars actually broke off from an old filling and years of grinding my teeth. I had it pulled out on Monday after it started bothering me. I feel as if I lost a part of myself. I turn 28 in 10 days and was not prepared for this at all. I figured I was years away from this happening. I know lots of people live through it but I was naive thinking it wouldn't happen to me. I have one more back molar that needs to come out before it starts causing problems as well. I just keep thinking, that's what I get for putting myself on the back burner. I felt so silly crying in the dentist chair after they left the room once I got my shot of Novocaine. I'm just always so busy that I rarely have time to sit and dwell on these things. It all comes at once when I'm left to think about these types of things. I'm a mom and I'm supposed to be strong in other people's eyes. I break down just like any other human. I'm hoping that adding the mouthwash to my routine twice a day will keep me from dealing with any of these happenings in the future. I'm also going to be getting a retainer to prevent any further damage to my teeth from my grinding. I must work really hard at my grinding my teeth at night because my previous dentist said he had never seen teeth so wore down. First time I had ever heard that in my life.

That's a little update from the past couple months. We are off to the zoo tomorrow to enjoy some outdoor time outside of the house. Looking forward to seeing how they react to all the animals and various activities.

A weary heart

I haven't posted an update on Savannah in a while. I have only been posting bits and pieces on facebook of things that have been happening with her. My heart is heavy with hurt for her. I don't know how to help her. Until this phase in life is done, I will be spending a lot of time praying and researching.

Savannah threw up 3 times in February. She has thrown up 2 times in March. I remember breathing a sigh of relief when February 1st came because the first thing that crossed my mind was we made it through all of January without vomiting. After dealing with this now not every 6-9 weeks but now every 2-3 weeks, I decided it was time to take action. This has gone on now for 18 months. Enough is enough. The pediatrician, I felt, was very thorough in examining Savannah's stomach and prompting me with questions. She took note of everything I had logged of the past 18 months. She agreed that something wasn't right. She explained how frustrating it is to know this is happening and they are too young to tell us what exactly is hurting. She suggested trying a prescription they prescribe for kids with stomach migraines. She explained to me that it may make her sleepy so to give it to her at night. That was the only side effect that was worth mentioning as it was the most common one. Savannah's digestive system is finally on the mend after 17 days of diarrhea. I stopped giving her the medicine on Sunday night once she had her first diarrhea accident in her sleep. She has had at least 2 accidents a day this week. She has these episodes 3-5 times a day. She's in tears going to the bathroom now. I couldn't continue the medicine as of right now. Another side effect to the medicine that Savannah just happened to get was the increase in appetite. I could not get her out of the kitchen or to stop asking for more once her plate was clean. The doctor was surprised how many side effects she had to this medicine. Now I am back to square one once again.

Now its turned on me. What did I do or what is in her environment that is making her sick? Am I feeding her something that she isn't tolerating? Am I using a product in my home that is building up and making her sick? Did I give her a vaccine that triggered something in her to cause this reaction? Your mind goes to all avenues when you are out of choices on what to do next. Now we wait. Now we pray for the next step. One day at a time. One step at a time.

Humbled by God

I couldn't be more happy to sit down to write this blog. I just love when God leads you in a direction. He truly is the one that knows what is best for you. I had a very hard time meeting friends outside of our couple neighbors in Cincinnati. Very different from the years prior. In college I was surrounded by friends. When getting married I moved back down to Austin area where all my family was. I was again surrounded by assistance and always had people around me. We were excited to get word that Jeff had finally gotten into the sales aspect of Hormel and we would be moving to Massachusetts. It was something different and a brand new adventure for us. Boston area had a wonderful sales office and that soon became our family. I also got involved in a church where they had a mommy bible study. I met some really great women in that group and still keep up with a couple of them after 2 years. One lady I met there that I still keep up with is Sue. She really shows you what a woman of God looks like. Just typing out woman of God doesn't seem to even begin to describe the beauty within her. The struggles she's been through and yet stands strong on the word of God. Moving to Ohio was a huge eye opener. I struggled to find another group the same as I had in Massachusetts. I had an big problem finding a friend to have play dates with.

I lead with this intro to bring you up to date with moving here. Shortly after the beginning of the year I needed to get groceries one day. It's hard to motivate me to go get groceries. Especially in the winter and with 2 kids. I decided I was going to get up early and get the kids out the door by 8 or 9am to go get groceries so we could get on with our day. Well I got to doing the dishes and little things around the house. Before I knew it, it was 10am. It was time for Carson to take his nap so I scrounged around to find something for lunch. While the kiddos were napping I realized I had no idea what I was going to do for dinner. When the kids woke up I hurried up to get them out the door. I was buzzing around the grocery store concentrating on what I needed to get so I could get home to feed them before the crankiness started due to low bloodsugar. I walked past a mom that had a daughter about the same age as Savannah and she was dressed very nicely. I walked past and went down the next aisle. I felt God pulling on my heart to go tell her she looks nice today. I tried to explain to God that I had rushed out of the house so I had no make up on, my hair was slicked back in a pony tail from cleaning, and my clothing had food remains from kids throughout the day. He insisted that he did not care and to tell her that she looked nice. I made my way back to her and tapped on her shoulder. Talk about God bringing me out of my comfort zone. I am not a brave soul that will just go up and say hi to someone. We talked and exchanged numbers. Texting back and forth that night I discovered that their family were Packer fans, her daughter was just about to turn 2, and she had been asking God to bring a Christian friend into her life. Just short of 2 weeks later, she lost her daycare provider. I am now her daycare provider and love having Ella here everyday. Savannah loves having a buddy to play with everyday. Becky is quickly becoming an amazing friend. Her husband Eric came over to help Jeff put in the windows. Something that Jeff in no way would have been able to do on his own. We are so grateful to know this family and feel so blessed.

Listen to God. You never know where his heart will lead you. If I would have went grocery shopping in the morning like I had planned, I would have never met this family.

Walking and words

This new year has brought about so many changes in the Raiders household. The basement is one step closer to being finished as the framing is almost done and there's now windows in there. I can literally see the light at the end of the tunnel. To move from a house that had double the finished square feet it has been interesting with toys and furniture. We will alas make it through this hurdle in life and laugh at the silly things that we stressed about.

Savannah is now a potty trained girl. I honestly thought I would be sending that girl to Kindergarten in diapers. She wanted Elmo and that was the end of the argument. Last Monday we awoke to her realization Elmo was gone. I told her that all her diapers were thrown away and panties were now the new thing. We had about a 50% success rate and I cleaned up a few accidents in public. By Friday last week we were going in public and rarely an accident. The only accidents she has now is when she has water before bed and wakes up at 3am. She just can't make it to the bathroom quite in time. I went back and forth whether I should give her water before bed. She has a cough and runny nose so figured an accident is better than a water deprived sick girl. As long as when she crawls in bed with me in the middle of the night, I don't wake up with a puddle I'm ok.

Carson is a walker and is potty trained. (Just kidding) But in all seriousness he is starting to walk. He every once in a while lets go of the furniture and I catch him giggling away as he waddles to the next object. It's hard to believe at this age Savannah was just learning to crawl and he's learning to walk. He's been crawling around the house for the past 4 months. He is such a chattery little guy. He is never quiet except when he is sleeping.

Carson is also now growing again. Before Christmas we increased the dosage of his medicine for acid reflux only to have a reaction to it. The doctor claims that to not be the cause of it but nothing else changed in his lifestyle and he had no other "virus" symptoms. We stopped the medicine and gradually the hives went away. He has almost completely stopped spitting up. I do clean up about 1-2 messes a day but thats a lot different than the 1-2 every 15 minutes. He went from 19.1 lbs at Thanksgiving to now at his check up on Tuesday he's 22.4 lbs. He has also grown 2 inches in that time. Leaps and bounds for a guy that hasn't grown in 6 months. His 12-18 month summer clothes I have been buying him may fit after all. He has also been switched to formula for now. He gave up breastfeeding all on his own. I wanted to nurse him until March at least but he said starting this year that he was done. He would scream every time I sat down to nurse him but as soon as I handed him a bottle he would suck it down. That was a very hard week for me. Not sure if we are going to have more kids or not so that may be the end of my nursing days. I long to have another baby some day but we will see where our hearts are lead. For now we are satisfied and happy with the two wonderful children we have.

Savannah is now doing puzzles for age 3 and up. She requests that we sit down with her and do her farm puzzle. When my dad and brother came for Christmas that was the first time I had brought her puzzle out. A dear friend of mine got it for Savannah when she was 3 weeks old and I've been anticipating the day I could bring it out. Now almost a month later, she can almost do her 36 piece puzzle by herself. She loves to do her ABC's and counting but has no interest in learning colors right now. She has picked up an array of words this past month too. She is starting to repeat and remember things we tell her (or don't say to her but she overhears). She requests 2 eggs or pancakes in the morning. It's not just eggs but TWO eggs. These are such fun ages. Carson beginning to walk and Savannah discovering new words.

Carson also can now say mama! Score for me as Savannah didn't say mama until 18 months. He's definitely a mama's boy. :)