New Adventures Ahead

In approximately 3 months (give or take) our lives will drastically change. We will not be living in Minnesota anymore. We won't be close to family. It will be just the three of us. Many family members have asked how I feel about the move seeing that I have never lived farther than 2 hours away from family. I think it will be a good change. It's not like we will never be coming back to the life that I've always known. It will really strengthen our marriage and family bonds because we only have each other to lean on.

Jeff will be transferring into Food Service Sales. Me being the wife, a.k.a cheerleader, wants nothing more than to make my husband happy. He wants to feel challenged and doing something that he's passionate about. Quality Control is a job that he can do and can do well. It's not his passion in life. He wants to sell Hormel to people and let people fall in love with the company. I really think that he feels that he is merely just fixing peoples mistakes all day long. It's been a great job for him and he has really gotten to know Hormel as a company so thoroughly that he wants to share that knowledge with other people.

I am not attached to my home in the least bit. When we moved here I knew that it was only a temporary move. When I'm painting or fixing something up nice I just tell myself some person is really going to enjoy this I hope. We will most likely have to downsize for about 6 months and store or sell some of our furniture. I know that the sacrifices we make right now will pay off in the long run. It's all just stuff anyways. I will keep you updated about where we will be moving to. We have been told of 4 potential spots but they haven't narrowed it down to one yet. It's going to be Atlanta, Chicago, Denver, or Seattle. Jeff and I are secretly hoping for Denver but we shall see. Denver will bring back the personalities that we once had. The love for outdoors that we have been missing so much since living in southern MN. Dad's secretly hoping for Denver too. He said he's planning his vacation.

Bittersweet

Tomorrow will be my last day with having 2 kids in the house. I have been babysitting Liam, who is one, for the past 2 1/2 months. It was only on a temporary basis because starting November 1st he goes to daycare. Before Liam came along I really thought that I would be able to handle two children. I love having kids around and love all the chaos of life. I dream of having a big family. Although I went to college, that always seemed like a backup plan for me. I'm so fortunate to have a husband with a good job and understands the importance of having a parent at home with Savannah.

I believe God had a reason for sending me Liam. He taught me that I'm not ready for two children yet. I really enjoy spending time with my daughter and do not want to deprive her of her deserved attention. By the time Liam goes home for the day I'm exhausted. He is such a joy to have in our household. Savannah loves playing with him and feeling his hair. (someday she will grow more hair) They love talking back and forth to each other. It's so precious. But I know that going through colic and trying to establish a routine again with a newborn is something I'm not ready to take up. Savannah is a very happy baby now. Well not right now as she is teething and suffering from a pretty good case of diaper rash due to her teething. But for the most part she is a happy baby. She sits up now and plays with her toys. While giving her a bath last night I realized she was even starting to sit up in the tub alone now. It will be time for daddy to give her baths and enjoy that bonding that I have enjoyed so thoroughly since giving birth.

Well sounds like naptime is over. Onto my next adventure. :)

Mmmmm Mmmmm

Lately I have really been working hard on getting Savannah to say the word momma. She's been going around lately with her lower lip tucked on her bottom gums and making a humming noise. I can only hope that this will someday soon turn into momma. We have also been working on our sitting up skills and rolling over. I get on the floor and try to show her how to roll over. You know the old "monkey see, monkey do" trick. So far with all this training all that I have to show for it is a daughter that likes to tease me. She rolls over her top half but the lower half just won't follow. I have a daughter that looks like a weeble instead of sitting up and someone who just mmmm's. I know that someday it will all click but as of right now were still working on it.

Leaves

Yesterday we took Savannah outside to take pictures. I think it took more time to scoop leaves out of her mouth than to take the pictures. Jeff kept saying "the suns going to go down, hurry up." My response was "but shes got leaves in her mouth". All in all it was a fun time taking pictures. We had to take them yesterday because we got her knitted winter hat in the mail. I had found a hat that I liked on Etsy.com but just couldn't pull myself to spend $25 plus shipping on it. I knew that Jeff's mom knitted so I forwarded her the picture and let her try to make something similar. Taadaa!!! I love the hat. Its nice and fluffy and warm. AND it didn't cost $30.

Now all I need is the mittens to match. That's Grandma's next attempt :)

Maybe she's a fish

It never ceases to amaze me that whenever Savannah is in a crabby mood all I have to do it take her in the bathroom and lay her on the floor. You would think that she just won the lottery. She's singing praises to me and squealing with delight. She's kicking like crazy and can hardly hold in her enthusiasm. The water gets turned on and her eyes begin to get bigger as I take off her onesie. Oh she smiles with delight, its just what I was hoping for.

This is in fact the only way we made it through colic. We knew when she was about to get her fussy time and would remember to get all the bath stuff ready. It was our only saving grace. I wasn't about to drive around for hours waiting for her to calm down. Bathtub seemed to work.

She gets in the tub and her excitement is finally unleashed as she splashes around for 15 minutes. After each big splash she looks at me for what my reaction will be. The bigger my reaction the bigger she was attempt to splash the next time. I don't know how I'm going to get her out of the tub when she is finally able to talk. Swimming may be in her future. :)

Road Trip

Jeff just called to inform me that he got the whole week of Thanksgiving off. Finally his 70-80 work weeks for the past month are starting to pay off. Someone I believe is seeing our sacrifice and knowing that we need family time together desperately. Savannah will be 6 1/2 months old by then so I'm sure that she will do spectacular on this road trip of ours.

Right when he told me about it, I started thinking about all the times I would need to pack. This is when my over organizational skills want to take charge. Most of the time I put them aside and deal with the everyday demands of life instead. I am truly an organizational freak at heart but just don't always have the time to do it. You know that commercial with the post-it labels, I glow from ear to ear when I see that commercial. I love the idea of totes all stacked neatly with everything labeled. That way when Jeff asks me where something is, I can proudly tell him EXACTLY where it is. I also love the idea of baskets that contain everything neatly on the shelf. This is why I just love watching HGTV when they stage houses. I love the idea of a house that doesn't look lived in. Hopefully I will get over that fantasy when I have more kids and more demands in life.

Anyways I start thinking about the pack n' play, all the outfits that Savannah will need, and how we are going to have one full car. And that's just for her! I thought about how much laundry I will have to do the days leading up to it and how much laundry I will have once we come back. Then I smiled thinking 'I'm sure glad that I don't have a job.' We have this ability to just travel without worrying if I will be able to get off too. Or the amount of time it would take me to complete the enormous pile of laundry that will accumulate after a week and a half gone. Can you tell I'm a little excited about a much needed family roadtrip!!!!!

Finding meaning

I have really struggled with trying to find something special about myself since I lost my job. I always had something in my life that defined who I was. I had friends through high school that really helped me get through a not so normal teenage life. I went to college and became so busy with keeping up with school and 2 jobs and a social life that I never had time to really "think" about things. My last semester of college I was very busy planning a wedding and graduation that I was on my little high in life. I got married and soon after that the high started to wear off. Reality set in. I was no longer this independent young woman. I was tied down in a small town with no job. It brought new meaning to the phrase "ball and chain." I settled into desperation to find a job. Jeff and I fought all the time. It was the time when we were learning to live with each other. It was ridiculous things we fought about such as "why must you drink so loudly?" "those clothes are no where near the clothes basket" "do you have to leave the toilet seat up EVERYTIME!" Such stupid things you fight about when you first get married.

I finally found a job that was only minutes from the house. I was ecstatic to say the least. I finally found my dream job. I was for the first time salaried!!! I didn't know what I wanted to do with my first paycheck. I wanted to do something big because I worked hard and was paid well for my accomplishments. We decided on buying our dream car. I wanted a trailblazer and Jeff wanted a Subaru. We compromised on a Subaru Tribeca. I was so proud to be driving this new car. No more college car days. I was a real adult, with a real job. 5 months later that dream came to a screeching halt. Before I left work on Monday my boss had asked if I had time to meet with her in the morning. The way she said it just made my stomach drop. For some reason we just know when something bad is going to happen. Jeff and I went to meet with our builder because we were planning on building a house. Since my dad works for a lumber company we were going to get some great deals. I expressed to Jeff how worried I was about Tuesday morning. I tossed and turned all night. Then it happened. I walked into her office and there sat not only her but her boss. I was thinking in my head what could have I done. I have kept things confidential, I have done my job to the highest of my ability. I can't be in trouble I kept thinking. Or am I. They went on to say that I had done a fantastic job but that they had some budget cuts which meant my job was cut. My world just crashed all around me. I had to call Jeff up and tell him that we won't be able to build our house anymore because I didn't have my job anymore. Even writing this still brings tears to my eyes. In just 5 months, I went from being on top of the world to feeling like I had let our relationship down.

I had a hard time getting out of bed each morning. I kept thinking of the things that I would be doing if I were working. I kept thinking about all the things that I had left half finished and all the relationships that just abruptly stopped. I was not allowed to send out a letter or even contact them to have closer. It's still awkward to walk around Austin and see people. They all have their opinions of me. I worked so hard to build this trust up with them. It's like living with an ex-husband. Just so awkward.

I finally got used to being at home and doing things around the house instead. My new label was homemaker. Didn't think after 6 years of college that that would ever be my label. Now I have a new label. I feel now as though thats all I am. I know this is my purpose in life right now and am content with raising my daughter and taking care of my husband. I feel as though there is nothing special about me. I wear jeans and a t-shirt most days. I clean up spit up and change diapers. I somehow suppose to be in this loving dovy mode when Jeff comes home but its so hard to muster the strength. I wish I had something that would make me feel special again. I don't think that I want a job right now because I love being able to watch Savannah grow up. I don't want to miss out on all her firsts. How do stay at home moms keep themselves from feeling this way? I am still on the venture to figure this one out.

TV is my new enemy

What is it about the television? Now that Savannah is getting a little older and not needing to nurse as much or as often I still find myself needing to have the television on. I know all the shows that are going to be on and my favorite episodes to watch. I finally have made it my new goal to only watch a 2 shows in the morning and my 2 favorite in the afternoon. I love having the background noise on though especially when all there would be is dead silence if it wasn't on. But then I think to myself, whats so bad about that?! In a couple more years I will be begging for peace and quiet. I should enjoy while I have it right? I decided to whip out my cd collection and start playing some cds. My house needs a desperate cleaning job and is being neglected by either kids or the television. So far yesterday, I redecorated my living room and super duper cleaned it. I even got underneath the couch. Can I say YUCK!! I hate dirt. I have to admit that I love the attention when someone walks into my house and says WOW you have a clean house. How do you keep it so clean? It's my moment to shine as a stay at home mom. Well off to super duper clean the rest of the upstairs before I make my big tackle for the basement.

Naps!

I am starting to realize that I may never get more than merely "naps" at night. I wake up every 2 hours now from either Savannah or Jeff. Getting up in the middle of the night is so normal to me now that I want to call people when I'm up because I figure that they are probably up too. (This is why I wanted Savannah in bed with me as long as possible.) I heard her at about 2:10am and went in to let her know that I loved her and that she needed to try going back to sleep. I went back to bed to listen to her cry then whimper for the next 5 mins. Went back in there to let her know once again that I still loved her and that I didn't forget about her. This went on for 20 mins. I finally gave up as her crying wasn't subsiding. I rocked her in her chair and patted her back. I was trying to do anything not to give her the one thing I know would do the trick. Finally after a half hour of whining. I nursed her where 3 mins later she fell asleep. Repeat an hour later. Got up at 5:10 to bring Jeff to work so I could have the car to run errands in the morning. Back home to catch another couple hours of sleep. Maybe I will catch a nap this afternoon.

I received an email today that told me Savannah was 22 weeks old. I had to look twice because I was sure they had the wrong email address or had miscalculated. There is no way that my baby could be that old already. If I was pregnant right now, I would be complaining about how I was only half way through and how miserable I am. 5 months old! She now smiles at anybody who gives her attention which makes me feel so much better when people say oh what a happy baby. Finally!! After 4 months of fussiness.

 Jeff and I have almost been married for 2 years now too. In a few months we will celebrate our 2 year anniversary together. I can't believe its been that long already. Meeting him has changed a lot about myself. I am truly a shopaholic in rehab I feel. I learned a lot of things from my mom. Some things are good and other ones not so good. One bad trait I picked up is that I shop when I'm sad or feel not content with life. Its a temporary fix I realize. It will always be something that I will have to work on. I mean just because someone goes to rehab for alcoholism doesn't mean they're cured for life. I like looking at all the new and shining things. Especially now that I have discovered Gymboree, I am seriously in trouble. Who does not just adore dressing their little girl up?!! I'm probably not the only one with this addiction. I'm glad that Jeff challenges me not to buy everything. It makes me a better person and I love looking at the savings account and seeing it grow. I am not a very good person at living paycheck to paycheck and enjoy knowing that we have a buffer. It helps me not to be so stressed. It however does not help my shopping addiction when I walk into a children's clothing store :) Just another challenge I will have to work on.

Motherhood is anything but simple

Why blog? Why not just share what you have to say on the phone to a person or talk in person? I think every mother needs to have someplace to escape and get all her feelings out. As a stay at home mom the only person I generally talk to is my mom which used to be every day and has now dropped down to about twice a week. Savannah talks to me but all I can generally understand is her excitement that she is standing!! Ok it may be supported standing but she thinks shes pretty cool.

No matter what book you read or story you hear about being a mom you mine as well throw it out the window. You truly don't understand the sheer joy, frustration, and worry of being a parent until that little one is growing in your womb. I was convinced that I would not be one of those mothers who worried nonstop or let my baby sleep in my bed whenever she wanted to. Well.... then I got pregnant. I started having issues with spotting which is common I know in the first trimester. You say its common until its happening to you and all you can do is lay there and worry about miscarrying. You would stand on  your head to keep that little one safe and its heart pumping. Second trimester was more fun than the first. Knowing that it was finally revealed a gender made the baby aisle just more fun. Third trimester was when high blood pressure hit. When the doctor says don't you dare lift a finger until I say you can. Its like "thanks! I'm not going to worry or anthing." Then it happened, I gave birth to a little girl on May 8th at 3:10. I was about the luckiest girl in the world. I had a great husband and now one of the best gifts to share with him.  

Being a stay at home mom has its challenges. Due to financial burdens, I said good bye to the car I loved and became a one car family. I know its a sacrifice we have to make but it still was a sad day. I sure I will cry when I get stuck in the snow and can't get out with our new car. I may even cry today when I need to run errands and can't because Jeff has the car at work and hasn't been coming home during the day so I either bring him to work in the morning or suffer all day with no car. I've been kicking myself all day because I should have just gotten the milk yesterday on my way home but forget. I wanted to make bread or at least make a decent meal but everything in my cupboard has that dreaded ingredient...MILK! Grrr. I have another 2 hours to go until daddy comes home then I can escape the 4 walls I call a house and drive. But you know, I would rather live in a small house, be a one car family, and give up all my luxuries to be a stay at home mom. To watch your child grow is the most precious gift.