Center Stage

I had my postpartum check up last week already. The time just flew by and I was out of the office with flying colors. It was bittersweet walking out of that office for the last time. I know that I won't be back there for my yearly check up as I know we will be moving long before then. It will probably be one of the last times I will see the office ladies and my doctor again. I don't plan on getting pregnant before we move either. I know accidents happen but I said that I'm not "planning" on it. I think 2 is plenty right now until Carson is sleeping through the night. He's definitely a much better baby than Savannah was but she had colic AND acid reflux. Poor little thing. If only I would have realized it sooner and done something about it. It was really hard to walk out of the doctors office from my postpartum this time because it was such a small office. You felt like they really got to know you. I would just walk in the door and wouldn't even have to tell them my name or any other information. It becomes part of your routine for 8 months. Now my routine involves pediatrician visits monthly for a little while. Carson next month then Savannah's 2 year then back for Carson's 4 month, etc. We will become regulars there.

I have begun to notice that I am quite the spectical when I go out in public. I am not one to draw attention to myself but now with 2 kids people can't help watching how I handle 2 so small out in public. I felt judged as a college student was pushing in carts are Target and Savannah dashes away from me only for me to have to chase after her. I felt like turning to him and saying "just you wait until it's your turn to have kids." Instead I smiled and pushed my cart with Savannah throwing a fit in the front and Carson sleeping away in the basket portion. I hardly even attempt to soothe Carson as we shop because people stare no matter if I attempt to stick the pacifier in his mouth or just begin to speed shop. I can't leave the house without hearing the following comments:
- oh he's a fresh one/new one
-how far apart are they
-oh you have 2
-you sure are a busy mom
- you certainly have your hands full

I am not one to draw attention to myself. Actually I dislike it so much. I am more of a person that just likes to blend in with the background and be a back up singer. Somehow that calling is not doing me justice right now as people seek my out to catch a glimpse of the baby or watch me handle both of them. At times I feel like I'm the only one with a child that ever misbehaves. For now I'm in the spotlight and will just learn to deal with it until I can blend in once again.

Experience or Something Else?

Nurse, spit up, cry, sleep, poop, repeat. This is Carson's current schedule. Carson cries a lot throughout the day. He isn't the center of my attention like Savannah was when she was a baby. I have a toddler to take care of also that demands just as much attention so Carson gets put down. I sometimes don't even notice he's really crying. I have gotten so used to the sound of a crying child now that it doesn't bother me as much anymore. This has also taken affect with Jeff. He's not yelling at me in the car to get Carson to cry. When I get out of the shower, Jeff is consoling Carson with the pacifier and rocking him. He doesn't look at me with a panicked look anymore wondering what to do with the crying baby. You can say that we have settled into our roles quite nicely.

Carson to me is still easier than Savannah was despite all the up-at-nights and crying spells. Could this possibly be that I know how to handle the crying now or that I'm just used to holding a crying baby? I would like to think that my experience and expertise through Savannah has taught me how to console the crying baby. The knowledge and expertise on how to rock the baby a certain way would help me to deal with the fussier times. The pacifier also helps though :)

He is also for the most part sleeping in his crib. At ONE month! Not through the night but at least I can get a little more sound sleep without worrying about rolling over on a baby. They are certainly two blessings to me though. I never realized how much you can love something until those two came along. Love my little family.

The Cuddlers vs. the Non-Cuddler

Jeff asked last night before going to bed "where's Carson?" I responded with "in his crib." Jeff was amazed at my response for this time it wasn't a battle to get him out of my arms and into a bed of his own. With Savannah it was 3 months and the anxiety for me to put her in her own bed was just too much for me to bear. I ran scenarios in my head that the house would catch on fire and I wouldn't be able to get to her room in time. Oh by the way, her crib was about 12 feet away from my side of the bed. Little irrationally thinking on my party, I know! The only way Jeff could convince me at that time was to put the pack n play next to our bed. Everyone won until I was ready to move her into her crib.

Everyone wants to cuddle with me and be next to me. Me being a true Johnson in that aspect, I want nothing to do with cuddling. We have a king size bed so I can have my space and Jeff can have his. We can (ugh) cuddle when we want to and get our separate spaces when we want to. Again everyone wins. I have no problem putting Carson in his crib if it will get him to sleep longer. Also I have no problem putting him in there because its one less person touching me. Now with 2 kids, if feels like someone is touching me all day long. If it's not Carson nursing, its Savannah crawling up on my lap or throwing toys on me saying play with me. Savannah also crawls into our bed making it one more person that nestles her body up next to mine. I am the most in demand cuddler right now. I'm trying to end this cycle of all the cuddlers in our house before I go insane.