Mommy Guilt

As I am getting nearer to the third trimester my moods are shifting quite a bit. A lot more than with Savannah. I find myself wiping tears away for silly little things that people write that are sentimental or watching Savannah play. Today I was attempting to get her to feel the baby kick. I think she did for she looked at it and started poking my belly button. I told her that she's going to be a big sister and that baby needs lots of kisses and hugs. She then proceeded to wrap her arms around my belly and give it a kiss. Now if I could only get her to stop rubbing her belly saying baby. I also find myself getting upset at things that I normally wouldn't get upset over. I do my best to hold back but typically find myself venting to anyone that is willing to listen.

Also as the third trimester makes itself into view, I find myself worrying about things. I wonder what's going to happen if I go into labor during the day? What am I going to do with Savannah? How am I going to handle 2? I need to get all my big projects done before baby gets here. And no I can't fathom leaving them until after baby because I know that we will be moving sooner than later. I would rather stress about it now then when Jeff comes home to tell me we are relocating. These projects I feel need to be done in order to put the house on the market when that time comes. I only want to be prepared and save myself the stress of it later.

Since Savannah has transitioned into her big girl bed, she has been crawling into bed with us at 5:30 or 6 every morning. I enjoy this to no end. I don't mind being woken up to snuggle with her. The part I do mind is when she starts kicking my belly, in turn, waking up the baby. Jeff has told me this weekend that she needs to stop crawling into bed with us before it becomes too much of a habit. I feel so heartbroken over this. Savannah has never been much of a snuggler. Even when she was a baby. She liked having her space or eating. To have her crawl into bed and snuggle with me is the most precious thing ever. I know those moments are going to be coming to an end very soon. I don't know who needs the snuggle time more, Savannah or me? I feel guilty bringing in another baby that is going to take some of her attention away. I know that its the best thing for her but I still can't help in feeling a little guilty. I know its completely normal to feel this way but it doesn't help the way I feel right now. As the baby's movements have really picked up this week, it makes me very aware of the changes that are going to occur with our family. It's very bittersweet to sense the change that is coming our way.